baldy Posted June 18, 2020 Report Share Posted June 18, 2020 Getting a bit worried about the economy. I’ve just heard the Chancellor has put the country in his wife’s name. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas and Dave Deacon 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 19, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2020 Next week I am dressing up as a different type of bread on every day. Roll on Monday!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas and Dave Deacon 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted June 19, 2020 Report Share Posted June 19, 2020 My boss told me to join two pieces of wood together. Totally nailed it. Billy Davies and TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 20, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2020 Breaking news!!!! Brighton have appealed against David Luiz's Red Card he was given versus Man City. This means he is able to play for Arsenal today against Brighton, result!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted June 20, 2020 Report Share Posted June 20, 2020 Scientists have discovered that the biggest cause of dry skin is towels. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas and Billy Davies 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 21, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2020 This is one from my 11 year old son Joe for Father's Day. The shovel was a ground breaking invention!!!!! and a Happy Father's Day to all Dad's. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheolderIgetthebetterIwas Posted June 21, 2020 Report Share Posted June 21, 2020 28 minutes ago, Billy Davies said: This is one from my 11 year old son Joe for Father's Day. The shovel was a ground breaking invention!!!!! and a Happy Father's Day to all Dad's. Tell Joe I laughed my socks off...lol Billy Davies 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 21, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2020 1 hour ago, TheolderIgetthebetterIwas said: Tell Joe I laughed my socks off...lol I will do Older and I hope you have a good day. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 22, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2020 On my first day as a delivery driver for Mr Kipling Cakes a small child ran out in front of me. I had to perform an emergency stop. I was lucky because my truck had exceedingly good brakes!!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted June 22, 2020 Report Share Posted June 22, 2020 Did you know there are no canaries in the Canary Islands ? Likewise the Virgin Islands..........There are no canaries there either. Dave Deacon, TheolderIgetthebetterIwas and Billy Davies 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 23, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2020 I watched a guy at Asda yesterday park his golf buggy in a disabled parking space. I thought to myself "I wonder what his handicap is?"!!!!!! Dave Deacon, TheolderIgetthebetterIwas and baldy 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheolderIgetthebetterIwas Posted June 23, 2020 Report Share Posted June 23, 2020 1 hour ago, Billy Davies said: I watched a guy at Asda yesterday park his golf buggy in a disabled parking space. I thought to myself "I wonder what his handicap is?"!!!!!! Lmfao! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted June 24, 2020 Report Share Posted June 24, 2020 A man is going to work when his wife phones him to warn him that a driver is driving the wrong way down the motorway. One he replied .they are all doing it. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 24, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2020 (edited) I haven't had since this lock down began so I went for a run today wearing flip flops just to remember the sound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Edited June 24, 2020 by Billy Davies missed a word out TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 25, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 People tell me my grammar stinks. That's really harsh, she is 98 bless her!!!!!!!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 25, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 It is so hot in my office even Prince Andrew would bloody sweat!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baldy Posted June 25, 2020 Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 I spent a week in Newark earlier this year. Have you ever been? Thought not. It’s the only place that is an anagram of ******. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 26, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2020 An Essex girl was involved in a serious car crash. There is blood everywhere. The Paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car and lie her flat on the ground. One Paramedic says" I am going to see if you are concussed" " So how many fingers am I putting up Tracey?" Tracey screams and replies. "Oh my God I'm paralysed from the waist down"!!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas, Jeremy Wade, Footballlover442 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 27, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 I thought LLDWDDLLLDLLL was a place in North Wales but it is actually West Ham's current form!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 I opened the door this morning and a beetle punched me in the face and called me fat. Apparently there is a nasty bug going round. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 28, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2020 What is a a bald sea captain worried most about? Cap sizes!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 28, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2020 14 minutes ago, Keith B said: That's better Billy 😉. Sorry about that one Keith, I never intend to offend anyone. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 29, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2020 Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted June 30, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2020 The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel. The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train coming and the train driver sees 3 idiots standing on the line!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baldy Posted June 30, 2020 Report Share Posted June 30, 2020 “hello is that the incontinence clinic” “ yes how can we be of help” I’m having bladder problems” “oh I see! Where are you ringing from” “ the waist down” TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted July 1, 2020 Report Share Posted July 1, 2020 A lemonade factory has exploded releasing millions of gallons of lemonade. Police say many people have been schwepped away. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 1, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2020 My wife is missing Wimbledon. She particularly likes watching The Men's Semis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 2, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2020 A British Doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work within 6 weeks." A German Doctor says, " Well we can take a brain out of a man and put ii into another man and have him preparing for war within 4 weeks." The American Doctor not to be outdone says. " You guys are way behind. We took a brain out of a man, he got elected as President and now half the country is preparing for war and the other half is looking for work"!!!!! Dave Deacon and TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 3, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2020 I bought a box of Animal Crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken" So I opened the box, and sure enough!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2020 Husband to Police Officer "I want to talk to the guy you arrested last night for breaking into my house" Policeman replies. "What for?" Husband "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas and Dave Bartlam 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 5, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 5, 2020 I think we have enough youth. How about a fountain of Smart!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 6, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2020 Due to the loss of revenue caused by Covid 19 Premiership Rugby club Wasps have today disbanded their Bee Team!!!!!!! Dave Deacon 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheolderIgetthebetterIwas Posted July 6, 2020 Report Share Posted July 6, 2020 30 minutes ago, Billy Davies said: Due to the loss of revenue caused by Covid 19 Premiership Rugby club Wasps have today disbanded their Bee Team!!!!!!! Laughed out loud on that one Billy...lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 7, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2020 I suffer with CDO It is like OCD but with the letters in THE RIGHT BLOODY ALPEBETICAL ORDER OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dave Deacon, TheolderIgetthebetterIwas and Bruegel the Elder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcrickets Posted July 8, 2020 Report Share Posted July 8, 2020 Funny joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruegel the Elder Posted July 8, 2020 Report Share Posted July 8, 2020 5 hours ago, topcrickets said: Funny joke Well, give it a giggle emoji then, it certainly deserves one 😄❗️ (unless, of course that was sarcasm and I missed it!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted July 8, 2020 Report Share Posted July 8, 2020 A few years ago I invented beachwear for one legged people. It was a flop. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baldy Posted July 8, 2020 Report Share Posted July 8, 2020 18 minutes ago, panda said: A few years ago I invented beachwear for one legged people. It was a flop. Flipping hell. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 8, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2020 My eldest Daughter has moved out and taken my entire Dusty Springfield collection with her. Singles, Albums, pictures and Photo's. I am gutted. I just don't know what to do with my shelf!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baldy Posted July 8, 2020 Report Share Posted July 8, 2020 Just now, Billy Davies said: My eldest Daughter has moved out and taken my entire Dusty Springfield collection with her. Singles, Albums, pictures and Photo's. I am gutted. I just don't know what to do with my shelf!!!!! Count to 10! Billy Davies 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 9, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2020 I stopped off at a roadside Farmers stall on my way home from work and got stung by a bee. Fifteen quid for a jar of honey!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted July 9, 2020 Report Share Posted July 9, 2020 I found out I am allergic to ceiling mounted dart board . They make me throw up. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 10, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2020 Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I will show you A flat miner!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baldy Posted July 10, 2020 Report Share Posted July 10, 2020 If I had a pound for every time I was right in my life, I’d be asking for change from a fiver. TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 11, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 My mate became addicted to Country and Western Line Dancing. It got so bad he had to enter a two step programme!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 12, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 Do you struggle to keep your eyes open after using you ipad? There's a nap for that!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 What do you call an Eskimo Chav? Innuinnit!!!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas and baldy 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Davies Posted July 14, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 I have always wanted to be a mirror salesman. It is something I could see myself doing!!!!! TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonColenzo Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Just for you Billy Davies, kept me smiling throughout, well done mate 👏🏻 Bruegel the Elder and TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panda Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 I was told I was colour blind. The diagnosis came out of the yellow. Billy Davies and TheolderIgetthebetterIwas 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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