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Billy Davies

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Everything posted by Billy Davies

  1. My mate became addicted to Country and Western Line Dancing. It got so bad he had to enter a two step programme!!!!!!
  2. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I will show you A flat miner!!!!
  3. I stopped off at a roadside Farmers stall on my way home from work and got stung by a bee. Fifteen quid for a jar of honey!!!!!
  4. My eldest Daughter has moved out and taken my entire Dusty Springfield collection with her. Singles, Albums, pictures and Photo's. I am gutted. I just don't know what to do with my shelf!!!!!
  5. I suffer with CDO It is like OCD but with the letters in THE RIGHT BLOODY ALPEBETICAL ORDER OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  6. Due to the loss of revenue caused by Covid 19 Premiership Rugby club Wasps have today disbanded their Bee Team!!!!!!!
  7. I think we have enough youth. How about a fountain of Smart!!!!
  8. Husband to Police Officer "I want to talk to the guy you arrested last night for breaking into my house" Policeman replies. "What for?" Husband "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  9. I bought a box of Animal Crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken" So I opened the box, and sure enough!!!!
  10. A British Doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work within 6 weeks." A German Doctor says, " Well we can take a brain out of a man and put ii into another man and have him preparing for war within 4 weeks." The American Doctor not to be outdone says. " You guys are way behind. We took a brain out of a man, he got elected as President and now half the country is preparing for war and the other half is looking for work"!!!!!
  11. My wife is missing Wimbledon. She particularly likes watching The Men's Semis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  12. The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel. The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train coming and the train driver sees 3 idiots standing on the line!!!!!
  13. Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide!!!!!
  14. Sorry about that one Keith, I never intend to offend anyone.
  15. What is a a bald sea captain worried most about? Cap sizes!!!!!!
  16. I thought LLDWDDLLLDLLL was a place in North Wales but it is actually West Ham's current form!!!!
  17. An Essex girl was involved in a serious car crash. There is blood everywhere. The Paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car and lie her flat on the ground. One Paramedic says" I am going to see if you are concussed" " So how many fingers am I putting up Tracey?" Tracey screams and replies. "Oh my God I'm paralysed from the waist down"!!!!!!!
  18. It is so hot in my office even Prince Andrew would bloody sweat!!!!
  19. People tell me my grammar stinks. That's really harsh, she is 98 bless her!!!!!!!!!!!!
  20. I haven't had since this lock down began so I went for a run today wearing flip flops just to remember the sound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  21. I watched a guy at Asda yesterday park his golf buggy in a disabled parking space. I thought to myself "I wonder what his handicap is?"!!!!!!
  22. On my first day as a delivery driver for Mr Kipling Cakes a small child ran out in front of me. I had to perform an emergency stop. I was lucky because my truck had exceedingly good brakes!!!!!!!
  23. I will do Older and I hope you have a good day.
  24. This is one from my 11 year old son Joe for Father's Day. The shovel was a ground breaking invention!!!!! and a Happy Father's Day to all Dad's.
  25. Breaking news!!!! Brighton have appealed against David Luiz's Red Card he was given versus Man City. This means he is able to play for Arsenal today against Brighton, result!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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