Billy Davies

I was queueing at the post office today and Bleeding Diana Ross bursts in and pushes through the queue. I stopped her and said "You can't hurry Love, you'll just have to wait"!!!!

August tomorrow so this is going to be my final joke after bloody months of trying to make people smile. The famous seventies group 10cc have gone on a vacation tour of Scottish Lakes in the hope that they will come up with some fresh ideas. This suprised me because i thought they would Dread Loch Holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry and Adios amigos.

Why is it so hard to remember the correct spelling of the word "Mnemonic"!!!!

My grief counsellor died yesterday but he did such a good job I don't care!!!!!!!!!!!

Whose idea was it to put a " S " in the word LISP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little pig walks into a bar, orders a drink and asks directions to the toilet. The barmen tells him where the gents are and the pig hurries off to relieve himself. A second little pig then comes in, orders a drink and asks directions to the toilet. Again the barmen tells him and he rushes to the toilet to relieve himself. A third little pig then arrives and orders a drink." I suppose you want the toilet too?" Asks the barmen. "No" says the pig. "I am the one that goes wee wee wee all the way home"!!!!!!!

I sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams concert last night and through it all he offered me protection!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was young my older Brother told me " That if you do something you like you will never work a day in your life" He did Heroin!!

The majority of The Saudi Arabian Para Olympics Team were once thieves!!!!!!

I was on a train today when I read a sign next to me which said "Please give your seat to an elderly person" So I unscrewed it and took it home to my Grandad!!!!

I phoned the local Ramblers Club today and the bloke that answered just went on and on and on and on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for putting us all in the picture Paul, not an easy job mate. Please pass on my very best wishes to Brian if you see him and hopefully see you somewhere soon. Take care mate.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they Lactose!!!!

My mate David lost his ID. Now we all call him Dav!!!!!!!!

A Priest visits a man who is grieving over the death of his father. " I am so sorry to hear of your loss" Says the priest " Did you manage to take your father to Lourdes as I suggested?" " Yes we did but we had only been there a short while when he passed away" " Was it his heart?" Asked the priest. " No Father" Replied the man. "He got hit on the head by a cricket ball"!!!!