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fenman last won the day on November 19

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About fenman

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  1. 2 reasons to post on here 1 it's raining up here so I can't get on the allotment 2 I can't get down to Cornwall again this year so I'll punish you by inflicting awful jokes My brother in law works at Norwich Airport , he's just been prosecuted for stealing luggage off of the carousel . He pleaded guilty and asked for 30 other cases to be taken into considerations . The Army have invented a new missile , it's called" the civil servant " it's doesn't work and can't be fired . I just checked the lottery , I rushed downstairs and said to the wife " guess what ? I've won 6 million
  2. I watched him play for Hereford against Kings Lynn in the old Southern League or could have been the Midland League , sometime in the 60 's . At that time there were many ex. internationals and ex top players playing at that level . I'm not sure whether it was a shortage of money or a love of the game , probably the former . He played in Italy for a while and many still worship his memory even to this day . He could , and did , play in several positions for Wales and the other teams he played for . Giant of a man , a true gentleman ( the English version , not the American version , where an
  3. B . Manning commented on this post but I can't see what he said . By a strange coincidence I mentioned that almost all of my mothers side of my family , brothers , sisters cousins , etc. etc . succumbed to the illness , they were all Mannings . Are we related ?. If and when you respond B.Manning s . I'll wipe this comment off
  4. Everything is a bit of a blur this morning . I played Russian Vodka roulette last night , 6 of you drink a bottle of Russian Vodka each then someone leaves the room then the others have to guess who it was . I hope we don't have the same doctor Billy , mine is hopeless . He's been treating a man for yellow jaundice for 5 years , and not noticed he's a chinaman .
  5. As there seems to be a shortage of football funny stories here's a non football story that older with his knowledge of machinery might be amused by . When I finished bluffing my way through a police career , I worked for a haulage company , my main job was washing trailers in preparation for the ministry test . We had a pressure washer driven by a single cylinder diesel engine . To start the engine you had to wrap a cord around the engine pulley , turn the engine backward off the compression stroke , push down the decompressor lever , brace your feet and pull like hell . I was away for a
  6. This is not really that funny in a joke sense but falls into the tragically funny bracket . Those of you involved with clubs will know someone like this . When I was running a club I had 3 brothers playing for me . The older 2 were reasonably decent players but a bit unreliable . The youngest was'nt much good but talked a good game , he was absolutely full of himself . He often told me they he was surprised he wasn't in the starting eleven as he was much better than the other players , a sentiment that the others were not in agreement with . We signed an ex professional Chris Rol
  7. A man is in need of a brain transplant . The consulate told him that replacements are very rare . A barristers is £600 , a surgeons is £1200 and a premiership players is £8000 . The patient said " they are all quite expensive but tell me why is the footballers brain so much dearer ?" " It's because it's not had much use " replied the consultant .
  8. They tell me that a cure for sea sickness is to stand under a tree During the World Cup in Brazil the England footballers visited a children's home ." It was pitiful to see their faces , away from their homes and no hope for the future " said Jao Santos aged 6 You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time . Which is just about right for the American Presidential election . There's worse to follow 3 men on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with . Their solution , throw one of the cigarettes overboard and th
  9. Not directly a football story but !!!!!!!!!! When I lived in the Fens as a young man I was very fortunate in that a. I could drive and had a car , unlike many of my age group and b. I had travelled around Norfolk , Lincolnshire , Suffolk and Cambridgeshire a lot so I knew my way around , again unlike my age group . We were playing away at a place called Feltwell which is right on the southern border of Norfolk . As I was the only one who knew the way I lead the convoy of 3 crowded cars . One of the players in my crowded Morris Minor was Tosh . Now Tosh was a rough sort of ch
  10. England play Iceland this week , followed by Tesco on Sunday and Asda the following week A pound coin was thrown on the pitch during a recent Truro City home match . Police are unsure whether it is a case of hooliganism or a possible takeover bid .
  11. A man is in hospital and quite ill , he has to be fed via a tube up his rectum . He fancies a cup of tea , so the nurse puts a funnel on the end of the tube a begins to pour the tea in . The man lets out a loud scream , the nurse says " I'm sorry is it too hot ?" he says " no , there's no sugar " . morning older , we are now getting your rain up here this morning . I did drift past Penryn's ground in March when I was down in Cornwall , but it was raining hard , so I thought it would be too wet for the groundsman to make a cup of tea.
  12. No response from Billy Davies so the second rate jokes continue A man was sitting in a hospital maternity unit when he heard 2 surgeons talking , one said " I am telling you it's spelt whoom " the other said " no , no it's spelt wooom " they continued arguing . The man couldn't stand it any longer he said " excuse me butting in but you're both wrong , it's spelt womb " one of the surgeons replied " How do you know ? have you ever heard a water buffalo fart under water ?" This magician had a show in Padstow , one of his tricks was sawing people in half . At the end of the show
  13. I agree with you Rappo . from my experience books by or about relatively unknown sportsmen or women are far more interesting than ones about " celebrity sports people " . It's a bit the same with tv and radio interviews , I don't include chat shows because they're all about promotions of records , latest film or books , some of them are really interesting . One in particular I enjoyed was Neil Warnock , I'm not necessarily a fan of his but I did find him interesting to listen to . I gather that his touring chat shows are sell outs .Another I enjoyed on one of my trips down to Cornwall was lis
  14. I worked with a man who was a bit similar in looks and manner to Captain Mainwaring in Dads Army , we called him the Bulldog . There was no harm in him other than he dived straight in without thinking . He was a good cricketer and a reasonably good footballer . I was umpiring a game and he was an opening bat . The bowler sent a slowish pace ball down and the Bulldog stepped away and the ball took out his off stump . As he marched past me I said to him " what on earth were you doing ( it could have been something stronger ) he said " it was well wide " On another occasion we were playin
  15. 6 months off the site now I can't keep off it . As several posters have said on here with no football being played , we have to keep the forum going with some sort of debate . The FA are getting flack for not doing anything about dementia in ex footballers . Chris Sutton has made many comments about it and the recent deaths of Norbert Stiles , Martin Peters etc. etc. and the fact that Bobby Charlton has been diagnosed with it has promoted more discussion . My question is .......... is the fact that they headed the ball a contributing factor ? If this is the case why are the
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