Foxhole 2018-19

[Darin Morse]

Torpoint 5 (Robbins 10,  Applegate 13, 59 pen, 72, Gibbons 88) Foxhole 0

Saturday 11th May 2019

You know, as a means of predicting the future, I'm not convinced the typical horoscope in a newspaper is totally reliable. Today, mine said "Pisces....don't believe everything you read. Uranus is cute but, as Mercury is prominent this week, only drink bottled water. England will win the World Cup in 1966." It ended with "today will be eventful....or possibly uneventful." At least they got that bit right.

Things started to go wrong in the morning. I was enjoying a leisurely bath when there was a loud banging on the front door. I tried to ignore it but the knocking became persistent so I bellowed, "Who is it?"
A voice shouted back, "I'm just a blind man".
Annoyed at having to climb out of my hot bath, I didn't see the need to cover myself and opened the door completely naked. The man on the step was visibly shaken.
"Can I interest you in some blinds?", he asked tentatively.

Unsure of the exact location of Horson Field I allowed myself plenty of time for the drive but, with the roads quiet, I found myself with ages to spare before kick off so decided to explore the town on foot. However, glancing around at the seriously outdated clothes being worn by the locals going about their business in the main street reminded me that Torpoint is one of the few places where I actually look vaguely fashionable. I couldn't help wondering if perhaps there had recently been a fire sale at a tank top factory nearby. Torpoint is known for its ferries but the plethora of 70s haircuts suggested the principle mode of transport there should be the Tardis. (In fairness, the good thing about lending someone a time machine is that you at least get it back straightaway).

After a short spell of window shopping (during which time I bought two windows), I took to studying the architecture of the town as I strolled along, and thought each structure appeared to be competing against the next in a bizarre ugly building contest. Not many people know that Torpoint was actually mentioned in the Domesday book and was given an estimated value by the conquering Normans of £250. Today, it must be worth at least twice that. I then realised I had forgotten to bring any pencil and paper for my notes during the match, so I popped into a newsagents and asked the assistant, "Do you keep stationery?"
"No," she replied. "I'm moving all the time". 
Just then, a harassed woman burst into the shop clutching a leather lead and shrieked, "Have you seen a shiatsu?"
"Well, I went to one that had no animals once", I said.

The town centre is a complex mix of narrow roads within a challenging road system, restricted parking and tacky gift shops. With road signs indicating even the general whereabouts of Horson Field evidently an optional extra, I had to swallow my pride and ask the way. Regrettably, so vague and incomprehensible were the directions emanating from the chap I stopped, it soon became obvious he too was on a day trip to Torpoint (in fact, I think he was from Moronville, just down the coast). 

My next choice was no more enlightening; an old lady advised me to "follow the crowd" but I ended up in the chip shop. I was feeling hungry so I decided to buy a meal there, but unfortunately I had to take it back.
"This food isn't cooked properly", I complained. 
"Why do you say that?" asked the chap behind the counter.
"The fish is sucking vinegar off my chips", I said.

The best that can be said for the performance was that Foxhole were perhaps saving themselves for next week's cup final, as they were embarrassed by a slicker and fitter team. Robbins beat Bullen with a dipping drive from 30 yards before the referee controversially overruled an offside flag allowing Applegate to run through unchallenged. Although no further damage was done in the first half, the Foxes struggled to mount a fightback and only once threatened to score, but Bould's close range effort was easily gathered.

The victory was sealed just before the hour mark when a penalty was awarded for Gibbons' stumble, the incredibly soft penalty being duly converted by a gleeful Applegate, who soon completed his hat-trick with a shot into the corner. With Griffin cruelly suspended, the Foxes had been forced to adopt a shorter passing game, but ultimately it meant the game was played in front of the imposing central defensive partnership of Hicks and Chris Westall. Regrettably they were extended all too rarely, although Bould and Gilbert did both go close before Gibbons completed the scoring.

I couldn't wait to get away, as my excursion had been singularly dismal. I smiled wryly to myself, however, when I passed a road sign on my way home. It read: "You are now leaving Torpoint - well done." 

Foxhole (4-3-3): Matt Bullen; Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Huw Morgan; Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnacle, Aidan Dingle; Jowan Dingle, Benno Bould, Bradley Allen. Subs: Martin Gilbert, Nathan Allen.

Torpoint (4-4-2): Matt Westall; Jake White, Sam White, Chris Westall, Darren Hicks; James Robertson, Joe Eke, Jamie Hill, Tyler Copp; Byron Robbins, Ben Applegate. Subs: Alex Richardson, Max Greenham, Callum Bays, Luke Gibbons, Fraser Benney.

Thanks to the officials Ian Spurling, Ray Wilson and Fraser Benney.

[Darin Morse]

Sunday 19th May

Foxhole 0 St Mawgan 2 (Allen 69, Jayne 75) KMD final at St Dennis

Depleted Foxhole were unable to retain the KMD cup but can nevertheless be proud of their success in winning the league and unluckily losing the Junior Cup final. Today the absence of the crocked Reed-Bennett and the unavailable Morgan was keenly felt, but the biggest loss was top-scorer Griffin, serving the final match of a three game suspension after his ludicrously harsh dismissal in the semi-final. Reed-Bennett and Griffin have contributed nearly 60 goals between them this season, and ultimately the Foxes did not possess sufficient fire-power in reserve (but, then again, which team would?)

St Mawgan were unable to capitalise on a stiff breeze in the first half, only threatening once when Allen released Bicknell down the right, but Bullen fielded the shot well. Soon after, Brown's trickery on the left created a chance for Bould, but his thunderous left-footed drive struck the bar. The Foxhole faithful sensed it was perhaps not going to be their day when this was immediately followed by Bould firing a penalty too high, after the striker had been upended when clean through by Cole, who somehow escaped a booking, much less a red card.

Hampered by further injuries to both Papioannou and Brown, Foxhole struggled to break down the solid and heavily populated rearguard. However their commitment can not be doubted, as they battled manfully for every loose ball, and played some tidy football while defending well against lively attackers until Allen was allowed to poke home from close range. Whetter almost levelled moments later, but his near post header from Jowan Dingle's inswinging corner flashed agonisingly wide. Jayne then doubled the lead when his cross found the net fortuitously, his side seeing out time fairly comfortably as the threadbare Foxes' squad ran out of options.

Well played the league champions for a great effort today and a thrilling season. Congratulations to St Mawgan and thanks to the officials, the Duchy League committee and St Dennis AFC.

Foxhole (4-3-3): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Bradley Allen, Lee Whetter, Ryan Wilkins; Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnacle, Nathan Allen; Benno Bould, Chris Brown, Aidan Dingle. Subs: Martin Gilbert, Jowan Dingle.

St Mawgan: Craig Allen, Alex Bicknell, Jordan Cole, Stuart Harris, Aaron Hawken, Thomas Jayne, Bonar Maull, 
Oliver Morrison, James Olsen, Brett Prentice, Chris Revill. Subs: David Bertie, Ashley Bicknell, Alex Coles, Joe Gwilliams.

Officials: Alan Shaw, Sam Doble, Josh Morford.