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Darin Morse

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Darin Morse last won the day on January 3 2018

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  1. Saturday 23rd March 2019 Foxhole 3 (Reed-Bennett 11, Bould 13, Griffin 80 ) North Petherwin 1 (23) Fortunately the diarrhoea I had developed last week had eased, only to be replaced by a need to noisily break wind with alarming alacrity and foul smells so on Wednesday I nipped into town for some medicine. On arrival my attention was drawn to a large group of pensioners gingerly getting out of a minibus. As they gathered on the pavement, I heard two of them loudly argue about whether they were mistakenly wearing each other's teeth, before the whole group shoved roughly past, causing me to drop my phone. Normally I wouldn't have thought twice about pushing one of them into the path of speeding traffic in retribution, but today I didn't make a fuss, merely smiling wryly to myself, as I knew they would all be dead soon anyway. I quickly realised I had become an unwitting gatecrasher to a retirement home's excursion to the chemist's but I felt I had no choice other than to follow them in. This proved to be a huge mistake as, by now, most of them were already queuing at the only till operating to collect their prescriptions. With the line hardly moving, I tried a tactical retreat, only to discover I was hemmed in by the rest of the pensioners and, having been encircled in the tiny shop by toothless senior citizens in a rapid pincer movement, I had no choice but to hold my defensive position. It was like the Battle of Rorke's Drift in there, I can tell you. After a while, and no nearer the counter, a fierce looking German Shepherd edged forward and stood next to me. Assuming it was a guide dog for the short sighted chap directly behind me (and whose asthmatic breath I could feel on the back of my neck), I politely asked him if his dog bit. In wheezy tones, he assured me that it didn't, so I patted the Alsatian on the head. In a flash, it had three of my fingers in its jaws, only releasing its grip when I stood on its tail as I hopped about in agony. This seemed to aggravate it further, and it crashed into a nearby shelf sending boxes of vitamin tablets crashing to the floor. I turned and glared at the man behind, deliberately dripping blood onto his newly polished brogues. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" I exclaimed. "That's not my dog", he said, sucking on a Werther's Original. The pain in my hand subsided barely quicker than the queue, so I had gained little ground ten minutes later when I felt the first warning signs of a massive build up of gas inside me. While passing the wind would undoubtedly have aided my bid for freedom, I first sought revenge on the Alsatian, still eyeing me with contempt by my feet. I released a little gas, startling the elderly couple in front of me who had been discussing the price of Steradent. A voice from way behind me (somewhere near the talcum powder I think) cried out "Rover! Rover!" which made the dog bark excitedly. Pleased at my ingenuity at transferring the blame for the vile odour onto the dog, I passed more wind. Again the anguished cry: "Rover! Rover!" That'll teach you, you ugly mutt, I thought, before loudly breaking wind a third time. "Rover! Rover!" shrieked the voice. "Come here now before that man poos on you". With Foxhole two up inside a quarter of an hour, first from Reed-Bennett's fine header from Kenny's cross and then a cool finish from Bould after he'd stolen the ball from a hesitant defender, it appeared as this would be another routine victory, particularly as numerous other early chances were created and squandered. However North Petherwin soon detected the Foxes were not quite at their best and hit back with some determined challenges and quick breaks. After deservedly reducing the arrears midway through the half, the visitors were unlucky to see a potential headed equaliser ruled out, and also lacked a killer finish on two other occasions. It was still anybody's game until ten minutes from time when Griffin's brilliant low drive from Reed-Bennett's flick settled the nerves. Until then Foxhole were unable to further break down a resilient and combative north Cornwall outfit who continued to threaten after winning far too many of the midfield skirmishes, albeit without ever forcing Bullen to save the day. Good luck to our visitors for the remainder of the season. Many thanks to Adrian Philp and the Petherwin linos. Foxhole (4-4-2): Matt Bullen; Bradley Allen, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Ryan Wilkins; Rory Barnacle, Lee Reed-Bennett, Nathan Allen, Levi Kerrigan; Benno Bould, Callum Kenny. Subs: Richard Griffin, Lee Whetter, Nathan Papaioannou, Jowan Dingle, Carl Rickard.
  2. Saturday 23rd March 2019 Foxhole 3 (Reed-Bennett 11, Bould 13, Griffin 80 ) North Petherwin 1 (23) Fortunately the diarrhoea I had developed last week had eased, only to be replaced by a need to noisily break wind with alarming alacrity and foul smells so on Wednesday I nipped into town for some medicine. On arrival my attention was drawn to a large group of pensioners gingerly getting out of a minibus. As they gathered on the pavement, I heard two of them loudly argue about whether they were mistakenly wearing each other's teeth, before the whole group shoved roughly past, causing me to drop my phone. Normally I wouldn't have thought twice about pushing one of them into the path of speeding traffic in retribution, but today I didn't make a fuss, merely smiling wryly to myself, as I knew they would all be dead soon anyway. I quickly realised I had become an unwitting gatecrasher to a retirement home's excursion to the chemist's but I felt I had no choice other than to follow them in. This proved to be a huge mistake as, by now, most of them were already queuing at the only till operating to collect their prescriptions. With the line hardly moving, I tried a tactical retreat, only to discover I was hemmed in by the rest of the pensioners and, having been encircled in the tiny shop by toothless senior citizens in a rapid pincer movement, I had no choice but to hold my defensive position. It was like the Battle of Rorke's Drift in there, I can tell you. After a while, and no nearer the counter, a fierce looking German Shepherd edged forward and stood next to me. Assuming it was a guide dog for the short sighted chap directly behind me (and whose asthmatic breath I could feel on the back of my neck), I politely asked him if his dog bit. In wheezy tones, he assured me that it didn't, so I patted the Alsatian on the head. In a flash, it had three of my fingers in its jaws, only releasing its grip when I stood on its tail as I hopped about in agony. This seemed to aggravate it further, and it crashed into a nearby shelf sending boxes of vitamin tablets crashing to the floor. I turned and glared at the man behind, deliberately dripping blood onto his newly polished brogues. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" I exclaimed. "That's not my dog", he said, sucking on a Werther's Original. The pain in my hand subsided barely quicker than the queue, so I had gained little ground ten minutes later when I felt the first warning signs of a massive build up of gas inside me. While passing the wind would undoubtedly have aided my bid for freedom, I first sought revenge on the Alsatian, still eyeing me with contempt by my feet. I released a little gas, startling the elderly couple in front of me who had been discussing the price of Steradent. A voice from way behind me (somewhere near the talcum powder I think) cried out "Rover! Rover!" which made the dog bark excitedly. Pleased at my ingenuity at transferring the blame for the vile odour onto the dog, I passed more wind. Again the anguished cry: "Rover! Rover!" That'll teach you, you ugly mutt, I thought, before loudly breaking wind a third time. "Rover! Rover!" shrieked the voice. "Come here now before that man poos on you". With Foxhole two up inside a quarter of an hour, first from Reed-Bennett's fine header from Kenny's cross and then a cool finish from Bould after he'd stolen the ball from a hesitant defender, it appeared as this would be another routine victory, particularly as numerous other early chances were created and squandered. However North Petherwin soon detected the Foxes were not quite at their best and hit back with some determined challenges and quick breaks. After deservedly reducing the arrears midway through the half, the visitors were unlucky to see a potential headed equaliser ruled out, and also lacked a killer finish on two other occasions. It was still anybody's game until ten minutes from time when Griffin's brilliant low drive from Reed-Bennett's flick settled the nerves. Until then Foxhole were unable to further break down a resilient and combative north Cornwall outfit who continued to threaten after winning far too many of the midfield skirmishes, albeit without ever forcing Bullen to save the day. Good luck to our visitors for the remainder of the season. Many thanks to Adrian Philp and the Petherwin linos. Foxhole (4-4-2): Matt Bullen; Bradley Allen, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Ryan Wilkins; Rory Barnacle, Lee Reed-Bennett, Nathan Allen, Levi Kerrigan; Benno Bould, Callum Kenny. Subs: Richard Griffin, Lee Whetter, Nathan Papaioannou, Jowan Dingle, Carl Rickard. Boscastle: Eliot Astles, Wayne Basford, James Cawte, Darren Chapman, Shaun Ellis, Mark Elvidge, Mark Gribble, Ryan Julian, Walter Medlicott, Joseph Reeve, Matthew Taskis. Sub: Matt Davey. Lifton 3 (Cairns, Francome, George Murrain) Foxhole reserves 5 Foxhole reserves: Lifton: David Andrew, Liam Cairns, Joshua Chalk, Wayne Francome, Dan Gregory, Cameron Heard, Jordan Mason, George Murrain, Jake Murrain, Sean Tucker, Cody Wilson. Subs: Lewis Coggins, Connor Everitt, Jordan Karkeek, Jacob Todd. Many thanks to referee Nigel Colwill.
  3. Saturday 16th March 2019 Foxhole 9 (Bould 2, 34, 44, Reed-Bennett 13, 27, Gilbert 23, 46, Barnacle 87, Aiden Dingle 90) Boscastle 1 (Shaw 78) It's been another upsetting week. My cousin drowned after falling into a huge vat of whisky. The coroner said he'd have died a lot sooner if he hadn't kept climbing out to go to the toilet. I haven't been well all week either and I've practically lived on the toilet. With no sign of an end to my discomfort, I eventually made an appointment with my doctor on Thursday, and soon got chatting to a bloke in the waiting room who had a carrot stuck up his nose and a banana in his left ear. Apparently he hadn't been eating properly. My doctor diagnosed me with a particularly virulent strain of diarrhoea, "one of the worst I've ever seen", he said, which made me feel rather proud. He prescribed some bright orange tablets, saying I had to take one every day for the rest of my life, which worries me as there were only eight in the packet. He told me not to worry if I started walking like a crab, as this was only a side effect, before he really scared me by asking if I was an organ donor. I said I'd once given an old piano to the Salvation Army; shortly afterwards I had to rush out to make urgent use of the surgery's washroom facilities. It wasn't going to prevent me braving the gale, though, and it was worth the effort as, despite playing into the elements, Foxhole were six up by half time against depleted opponents. Bould opened the scoring from close range after 75 seconds following good work from Barnacle and Gilbert, before Barnacle again displayed his undoubted creative ability to release Reed-Bennett to fire past line-bound stand-in keeper Shaw. Gilbert made it 3-0 turning home Bould's mis-hit shot at the far post before Reed-Bennett struck a beauty from twenty-five yards. There was still time for Bould to complete his hat-trick prior to the break, first by rounding Shaw to tap in and then by converting another Gilbert assist. Within 40 seconds of the restart Gilbert had doubled his tally, capitalising on more generous defending. However Foxhole rather let Boscastle off the hook with some sloppiness which may be decisive if repeated in the upcoming crucial games, and allowed Shaw, by now in his favoured midfield role, to notch a consolation following a fumble by Lake. Jolted into action, the Foxes managed to find the net twice more at the death, Barnacle running through to slot past the advancing replacement keeper and then Aiden Dingle bundling in from three yards after older brother Jowan had pulled back a deep corner from the excellent Papaioannou. At last feeling able to keep some food down, I decided to try a new chip shop in St Austell for tea. My fragile mood after such an unsettling week was further aggravated, though, by the purchase of arguably the world's smallest ever portion of cod and chips. "Do your fish get any bigger?" I asked the greasy youth clumsily wrapping my meal in a copy of the Daily Star. "No", he lisped through yellowing teeth. "They're all dead". Well played the super Foxes and best of luck to Boscastle for the remainder of the season. Many thanks to Bob Steggles, Gary Sleep and Ian Osborne. Foxhole (4-4-2): Anton Lake; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Ryan Wilkins; Lee Reed-Bennett, Levi Kerrigan, Nathan Allen, Rory Barnacle; Benno Bould, Martin Gilbert. Subs: Jowan Dingle, Bradley Allen, Aiden Dingle. Boscastle: Cameron Barrett, Jonny Brewer, Dan Capstick, Sam Haddy, Martin Heal, Robert Heal, Matthew Pethick, Daniel Piper, Jack Shaw, Jordan Sleep, Jacob Williams. Sub: Aidan Hewitt.
  4. Saturday 16th March 2019 Foxhole 9 (Bould 2, 34, 44, Reed-Bennett 13, 27, Gilbert 23, 46, Barnacle 87, Aiden Dingle 90) Boscastle 1 (Shaw 78) It's been another upsetting week. My cousin drowned after falling into a huge vat of whisky. The coroner said he'd have died a lot sooner if he hadn't kept climbing out to go to the toilet. I haven't been well all week either and I've practically lived on the toilet. With no sign of an end to my discomfort, I eventually made an appointment with my doctor on Thursday, and soon got chatting to a bloke in the waiting room who had a carrot stuck up his nose and a banana in his left ear. Apparently he hadn't been eating properly. My doctor diagnosed me with a particularly virulent strain of diarrhoea, "one of the worst I've ever seen", he said, which made me feel rather proud. He prescribed some bright orange tablets, saying I had to take one every day for the rest of my life, which worries me as there were only eight in the packet. He told me not to worry if I started walking like a crab, as this was only a side effect, before he really scared me by asking if I was an organ donor. I said I'd once given an old piano to the Salvation Army; shortly afterwards I had to rush out to make urgent use of the surgery's washroom facilities. It wasn't going to prevent me braving the gale, though, and it was worth the effort as, despite playing into the elements, Foxhole were six up by half time against depleted opponents. Bould opened the scoring from close range after 75 seconds following good work from Barnacle and Gilbert, before Barnacle again displayed his undoubted creative ability to release Reed-Bennett to fire past line-bound stand-in keeper Shaw. Gilbert made it 3-0 turning home Bould's mis-hit shot at the far post before Reed-Bennett struck a beauty from twenty-five yards. There was still time for Bould to complete his hat-trick prior to the break, first by rounding Shaw to tap in and then by converting another Gilbert assist. Within 40 seconds of the restart Gilbert had doubled his tally, capitalising on more generous defending. However Foxhole rather let Boscastle off the hook with some sloppiness which may be decisive if repeated in the upcoming crucial games, and allowed Shaw, by now in his favoured midfield role, to notch a consolation following a fumble by Lake. Jolted into action, the Foxes managed to find the net twice more at the death, Barnacle running through to slot past the advancing replacement keeper and then Aiden Dingle bundling in from three yards after older brother Jowan had pulled back a deep corner from the excellent Papaioannou. At last feeling able to keep some food down, I decided to try a new chip shop in St Austell for tea. My fragile mood after such an unsettling week was further aggravated, though, by the purchase of arguably the world's smallest ever portion of cod and chips. "Do your fish get any bigger?" I asked the greasy youth clumsily wrapping my meal in a copy of the Daily Star. "No", he lisped through yellowing teeth. "They're all dead". Well played the super Foxes and best of luck to Boscastle for the remainder of the season. Many thanks to Bob Steggles, Gary Sleep and Ian Osborne. Foxhole (4-4-2): Anton Lake; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Ryan Wilkins; Lee Reed-Bennett, Levi Kerrigan, Nathan Allen, Rory Barnacle; Benno Bould, Martin Gilbert. Subs: Jowan Dingle, Bradley Allen, Aiden Dingle. Boscastle: Cameron Barrett, Jonny Brewer, Dan Capstick, Sam Haddy, Martin Heal, Robert Heal, Matthew Pethick, Daniel Piper, Jack Shaw, Jordan Sleep, Jacob Williams. Sub: Aidan Hewitt.
  5. Saturday 8th March 2019 Foxhole 9 (Griffin 20, 41, 79, Kenny 31, Reed-Bennett 42, 51, 59, 76, Carhart 90) St Newlyn East 0 I got a new job this week. I'm now travelling around to all the local parks collecting any jumpers left behind. It's much trickier than it sounds as they keep moving the goalposts. I need computer access for the work so you can imagine my dismay when I discovered earlier today that my PC wasn't working properly. The chap manning the helpline was really helpful though. "Have you tried disabling cookies?" he asked me. "Well I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man", I replied. Then he said I'd need a new password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Just as I put the phone down, I happened to glance out of the kitchen window and was stunned to see a strange man walk furtively towards the top of my garden carrying a massive screwdriver. Incredulous, I watched him unscrew the gate at the end of the path, tuck it under his arm and then walk back down again. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but I didn't like to say anything in case he took offence. All this put me in a panic that I may miss the kick off. I could have done without the stress to be honest as it's exactly ten years since the death of my father. Actually I wasn't particularly close to him when he died, which is just as well because he trod on a landmine. I needn't have worried as I arrived in time to see a fantastic display from the super Foxes. Griffin opened the scoring with a fine header to convert Bradley Allen's centre before the impressive Kenny, in for the unavailable Bould, doubled the lead with a stunning strike from 25 yards. Griffin made it 3-0 cleverly slotting past the onrushing keeper before, within seconds, Reed-Bennett converted the first of his four successive goals from an acute angle. The Foxhole skipper's strong running was a constant threat to an over-worked Newlyn rearguard and, after being fouled outside the box, Reed-Bennett floated home a brilliant free-kick. Just before the hour he completed a magnificent hat-trick by latching on to Gilbert's astute assist, and then he outjumped taller defenders to nod home from close-range following superb work from the effervescent Griffin. A switch to 4-3-3 to accommodate the attacking Foxhole substitutes left sufficient unoccupied space in midfield for Newlyn to create a couple of chances which were competently dealt with by the hitherto under-employed Bullen, but it also ensured that the home team would continue their rampage and they looked capable of scoring every time they ventured into the visitors' half. Griffin's excellent anticipation saw him arrive first to blast in the rebound for his hat-trick after Brown's right-footed thunderbolt had struck a post, before Carhart marked his debut with a header from the seemingly unstoppable Reed-Bennett's inswinging corner. Sorry for the shortened report this week but I'm off to see the Pretenders in concert down Foxhole club. Really hope it's not a tribute act. Many thanks to stand-in referee Ian Osborne, and to Aydan Rundle and the Newlyn lino. Foxhole (4-4-2): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Lee Whetter; Bradley Allen, Lee Reed-Bennett, Levi Kerrigan, Nathan Allen; Richard Griffin, Callum Kenny. Subs: Ryan Wilkins, Rory Barnacle, Martin Gilbert, Leighton Carhart. St Newlyn East: Ian Brooks, Elliott Dodd, Steven Harris, Samuel Lawrence, Ross London, Brodie Mitchell, Harry Mugford, William Perry, Ryan Pooley, Elliot Powell, Jack Thompson. Subs: Chris Ballett, Chris Hall, Martyn Probert, Aaron Thompson. Grampound 2 (Fox, Reis) Foxhole Reserves 5 (James x2, Hawken, Hughes, Andrews) Foxhole: Daniel Allen, Jake Couch, Caleb Hawken, Richard James, Steven Kellow, Adam Kerby, Matthew Lean, Jay Manning, Stewart May, Jamie Robinson, Callan Rundle. Subs: Josh Andrews, Kyle Hughes, Shane Kibell, Brian Paull. Grampound: Rui Almeida, George Bolt, Matthew Fletcher, Dylan Fox, Francisco Goncalves, Diogo Andre Rei, Matthew Skews, Sam Triggs, Mark Wherry, Aymer Wilson, Julian Woodman. Sub: Dan Stephens. Many thanks to Alan Howells.
  6. Saturday 8th March 2019 Foxhole 9 (Griffin 20, 41, 79, Kenny 31, Reed-Bennett 42, 51, 59, 76, Carhart 90) St Newlyn East 0 I got a new job this week. I'm now travelling around to all the local parks collecting any jumpers left behind. It's much trickier than it sounds as they keep moving the goalposts. I need computer access for the work so you can imagine my dismay when I discovered earlier today that my PC wasn't working properly. The chap manning the helpline was really helpful though. "Have you tried disabling cookies?" he asked me. "Well I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man", I replied. Then he said I'd need a new password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Just as I put the phone down, I happened to glance out of the kitchen window and was stunned to see a strange man walk furtively towards the top of my garden carrying a massive screwdriver. Incredulous, I watched him unscrew the gate at the end of the path, tuck it under his arm and then walk back down again. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but I didn't like to say anything in case he took offence. All this put me in a panic that I may miss the kick off. I could have done without the stress to be honest as it's exactly ten years since the death of my father. Actually I wasn't particularly close to him when he died, which is just as well because he trod on a landmine. I needn't have worried as I arrived in time to see a fantastic display from the super Foxes. Griffin opened the scoring with a fine header to convert Bradley Allen's centre before the impressive Kenny, in for the unavailable Bould, doubled the lead with a stunning strike from 25 yards. Griffin made it 3-0 cleverly slotting past the onrushing keeper before, within seconds, Reed-Bennett converted the first of his four successive goals from an acute angle. The Foxhole skipper's strong running was a constant threat to an over-worked Newlyn rearguard and, after being fouled outside the box, Reed-Bennett floated home a brilliant free-kick. Just before the hour he completed a magnificent hat-trick by latching on to Gilbert's astute assist, and then he outjumped taller defenders to nod home from close-range following superb work from the effervescent Griffin. A switch to 4-3-3 to accommodate the attacking Foxhole substitutes left sufficient unoccupied space in midfield for Newlyn to create a couple of chances which were competently dealt with by the hitherto under-employed Bullen, but it also ensured that the home team would continue their rampage and they looked capable of scoring every time they ventured into the visitors' half. Griffin's excellent anticipation saw him arrive first to blast in the rebound for his hat-trick after Brown's right-footed thunderbolt had struck a post, before Carhart marked his debut with a header from the seemingly unstoppable Reed-Bennett's inswinging corner. Sorry for the shortened report this week but I'm off to see the Pretenders in concert down Foxhole club. Really hope it's not a tribute act. Many thanks to stand-in referee Ian Osborne, and to Aydan Rundle and the Newlyn lino. Foxhole (4-4-2): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Lee Whetter; Bradley Allen, Lee Reed-Bennett, Levi Kerrigan, Nathan Allen; Richard Griffin, Callum Kenny. Subs: Ryan Wilkins, Rory Barnacle, Martin Gilbert, Leighton Carhart. St Newlyn East: Ian Brooks, Elliott Dodd, Steven Harris, Samuel Lawrence, Ross London, Brodie Mitchell, Harry Mugford, William Perry, Ryan Pooley, Elliot Powell, Jack Thompson. Subs: Chris Ballett, Chris Hall, Martyn Probert, Aaron Thompson. Grampound 2 (Fox, Reis) Foxhole Reserves 5 (James x2, Hawken, Hughes, Andrews) Foxhole: Daniel Allen, Jake Couch, Caleb Hawken, Richard James, Steven Kellow, Adam Kerby, Matthew Lean, Jay Manning, Stewart May, Jamie Robinson, Callan Rundle. Subs: Josh Andrews, Kyle Hughes, Shane Kibell, Brian Paull. Grampound: Rui Almeida, George Bolt, Matthew Fletcher, Dylan Fox, Francisco Goncalves, Diogo Andre Rei, Matthew Skews, Sam Triggs, Mark Wherry, Aymer Wilson, Julian Woodman. Sub: Dan Stephens. Many thanks to Alan Howells.
  7. Saturday 2nd March 2019 Veryan 2 (Johns 29, Bullen 54) Foxhole 4 (Reed-Bennett 9, Bould 37, 39, Griffin 47) It had been an eventful week. My cousin, feeling at a really low ebb as he was months behind on his mortgage payments, had threatened to drive off a cliff. Luckily some nearby members of the public had a whip round to pay off all his debts. Mind you, they were the passengers on his bus. Then, on Thursday, I suffered an asthma attack. I was mugged by two men who had asthma. I really should have heard them hiding. It has become a ritual for me when driving to away games to listen to our local BBC radio station and to marvel at the sheer professionalism of its slick presenters. So, as I eagerly tuned to Radio Cornwall, I imagined passing the time along the lanes of the Roseland peninsula by singing along to some classic tunes - you can guess my dismay, therefore, when the playlist for this particular Saturday appeared to be drawn entirely from a CD compilation entitled "Songs You Hoped You'd Never Hear Again." Arriving at the Sports Ground in good time, I decided to have a look around. I soon chanced upon an elderly couple whose dress sense suggested the village possessed the world's last surviving branch of John Collier, but they were pleasant enough, happily engaging me in nostalgic conversation. I asked the man if he had lived in Veryan all his life. "Not yet", he replied, before embarking on a rant about the cost of Werther's Originals. Strolling through the village, it was evident that the place had a quaint Olde Worlde charm. It appeared to have the world's largest range of Morris Minors per capita and I passed a garage sale where a small group of men were eagerly searching through a pile of Betamax video tapes resting on a trestle table until, on hearing an aeroplane, they all stopped and pointed to the sky. Foxhole opened the scoring thanks to a magnificent 25-yard screamer from Reed-Bennett but, after the impressive Cheshire had been brought down just outside the box by Bullen, Johns equalised with a firmly struck free-kick. At that stage it was anybody's game until a switch to 4-3-3 led to the Foxes taking charge thanks to a couple of fine finishes from Bould. Griffin scored a fourth immediately on the restart with a clever lob over the advancing Holland but, despite creating numerous opportunities, the visitors were unable to add to their tally. A defensive mishap allowed Sam Bullen to notch a second for the home team but, with Kerrigan and Nathan Allen superb, the points were safely secured. Foxhole (4-4-2): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Ryan Wilkins; Bradley Allen, Lee Reed-Bennett, Levi Kerrigan, Nathan Allen; Richard Griffin, Benno Bould. Subs: Martin Gilbert, Jowan Dingle, Lee Whetter. Many thanks to Ross McMenemy, Aydan Rundle and the various home linos. Boscastle 0 Foxhole Reserves 1 (Robinson) (Shoe Boy Cup)
  8. Saturday 2nd March 2019 Veryan 2 (Johns 29, Bullen 54) Foxhole 4 (Reed-Bennett 9, Bould 37, 39, Griffin 47) It had been an eventful week. My cousin, feeling at a really low ebb as he was months behind on his mortgage payments, had threatened to drive off a cliff. Luckily some nearby members of the public had a whip round to pay off all his debts. Mind you, they were the passengers on his bus. Then, on Thursday, I suffered an asthma attack. I was mugged by two men who had asthma. I really should have heard them hiding. It has become a ritual for me when driving to away games to listen to our local BBC radio station and to marvel at the sheer professionalism of its slick presenters. So, as I eagerly tuned to Radio Cornwall, I imagined passing the time along the lanes of the Roseland peninsula by singing along to some classic tunes - you can guess my dismay, therefore, when the playlist for this particular Saturday appeared to be drawn entirely from a CD compilation entitled "Songs You Hoped You'd Never Hear Again." Arriving at the Sports Ground in good time, I decided to have a look around. I soon chanced upon an elderly couple whose dress sense suggested the village possessed the world's last surviving branch of John Collier, but they were pleasant enough, happily engaging me in nostalgic conversation. I asked the man if he had lived in Veryan all his life. "Not yet", he replied, before embarking on a rant about the cost of Werther's Originals. Strolling through the village, it was evident that the place had a quaint Olde Worlde charm. It appeared to have the world's largest range of Morris Minors per capita and I passed a garage sale where a small group of men were eagerly searching through a pile of Betamax video tapes resting on a trestle table until, on hearing an aeroplane, they all stopped and pointed to the sky. Foxhole opened the scoring thanks to a magnificent 25-yard screamer from Reed-Bennett but, after the impressive Cheshire had been brought down just outside the box by Bullen, Johns equalised with a firmly struck free-kick. At that stage it was anybody's game until a switch to 4-3-3 led to the Foxes taking charge thanks to a couple of fine finishes from Bould. Griffin scored a fourth immediately on the restart with a clever lob over the advancing Holland but, despite creating numerous opportunities, the visitors were unable to add to their tally. A defensive mishap allowed Sam Bullen to notch a second for the home team but, with Kerrigan and Nathan Allen superb, the points were safely secured. Foxhole (4-4-2): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Ryan Wilkins; Bradley Allen, Lee Reed-Bennett, Levi Kerrigan, Nathan Allen; Richard Griffin, Benno Bould. Subs: Martin Gilbert, Jowan Dingle, Lee Whetter. Veryan (4-4-2): Billy Holland; Justin Trebilcock, Luke Hitchens, Andrew Pearce, Aaron Moyse; Dan Vincent, Bobbylee Johns, Martin O'Callaghan, Andrew Butler; Sam Bullen, Tyler Cheshire. Subs: Josh Hitchens, Louis Mullan, Gary Wheildon. Many thanks to Ross McMenemy, Aydan Rundle and the various home linos. Boscastle 0 Foxhole Reserves 1 (Robinson) (Shoe Boy Cup) Foxhole: Daniel Allen, Josh Andrews, Jake Couch, Phil Hutchings, Richard James, Steven Kellow, Adam Kerby, Matthew Lean, Stewart May, Jamie Robinson, Callan Rundle. Subs: Kyle Hughes, Jay Manning, Jacob Mitchell. Boscastle: Callum Bosley, Alex Gibbons, Darren Hambly, Matthew Joliffe, Robert Nute, Michael Parsons, Jason Seldon, Martin Seldon, Jack Shaw, Aaron Williams, Ryan Williams. Subs: Tim Lyle, Aaron Washer. Many thanks to referee Ivor Phillips.
  9. Monday 25th February 2019 Kernow 3 (Clarke 27, pen 49, Eddy 55) Foxhole X1 2 (Jennings pen 69, Downing 73) Foxhole (4-4-2): Anton Lake (St Austell): Mikey Davies (St Dennis), Leighton Carhart (Camelford), Lee Rickard (St Dennis), Keiran Powell (St Austell); Lee Reed-Bennett (Foxhole), Carl Rickard (St Dennis), Kyle Friendship (St Austell), Sam Gerken (Wadebridge); Dan Jennings (Wadebridge), Callum Kenny (St Dennis). Subs: Jordi Willmott (Nanpean), Harry Downing (Newquay), Kieran Rowe (Wadebridge). Kernow (4-4-2): Jason Chapman; Jason Rogers, Tom Whipp, Tom Chambers, Martin Giles; Tom Harris, Neil Slateford, Harry Clarke, Max Gilbert; Mark Goldsworthy, James Lorenz. Subs: Chris Reski, Olly Brokenshire, Ed Timmons, Matt Lloyd, Liam Eddy, George Tucker, Dan Pethick, Barrie Wyatt. The expected chasm in class between the teams failed to materialise and Foxhole will feel unfortunate not to share the spoils after more than matching the Kernow team, and creating much the better chances in the first half. Somehow finding themselves three down early in the second half, Lee Whetter's side almost completed a famous comeback. Many thanks to those who were honorary Foxes for the night. Good luck to Kernow. Many thanks to the officials Jo Harris, Graham Allen and Dean Kitley.
  10. Monday 25th February 2019 Kernow 3 (Clarke 27, pen 49, Eddy 55) Foxhole X1 2 (Jennings pen 69, Downing 73) Foxhole (4-4-2): Anton Lake (St Austell): Mikey Davies (St Dennis), Leighton Carhart (Camelford), Lee Rickard (St Dennis), Keiran Powell (St Austell); Lee Reed-Bennett (Foxhole), Carl Rickard (St Dennis), Kyle Friendship (St Austell), Sam Gerken (Wadebridge); Dan Jennings (Wadebridge), Callum Kenny (St Dennis). Subs: Jordi Willmott (Nanpean), Harry Downing (Newquay), Kieran Rowe (Wadebridge). Kernow (4-4-2): Jason Chapman; Jason Rogers, Tom Whipp, Tom Chambers, Martin Giles; Tom Harris, Neil Slateford, Harry Clarke, Max Gilbert; Mark Goldsworthy, James Lorenz. Subs: Chris Reski, Olly Brokenshire, Ed Timmons, Matt Lloyd, Liam Eddy, George Tucker, Dan Pethick, Barrie Wyatt. The expected chasm in class between the teams failed to materialise and Foxhole will feel unfortunate not to share the spoils after more than matching the Kernow team, and creating much the better chances in the first half. Somehow finding themselves three down early in the second half, Lee Whetter's side almost completed a famous comeback. Many thanks to those who were honorary Foxes for the night. Good luck to Kernow. Many thanks to the officials Jo Harris, Graham Allen and Dean Kitley.
  11. Saturday 23rd February 2019 St Mawgan 3 (Maull 14, Allen 17, Olsen 60) Foxhole 1 (Reed-Bennett 35) It had been an emotionally draining week. On Monday my uncle died of the big C. He was walking past Curry's when the sign fell on him. Then, on Wednesday, I invited the pop group Abba around for tea. And if I had to do the same again, I would my friend. For Nando's. St Mawgan's pitch is in close proximity to the ocean so to clear my head I pondered the merits of exploring the area prior to the game, but as I'd heard part of Mawgan Porth beach had been set aside for naturists I had to plan carefully the bits I wanted to see. Today's a Brand New Day and I'd intended to set off early but I was delayed by a knock on the door. A man with Singing Detective complexion and who seemed to be wearing somebody else's teeth said he was collecting for a new swimming pool for the village. I told him it was Precious Time and gave him a bucket of water just to get rid of him. Consequently it was not until exactly 12.59pm when I left home, which is normally when I arrange to meet my girlfriend as I love one-to-one time. As the sun was out I passed many people Choppin' Wood and Cleaning Windows but my journey to the match was soon to take a surreal turn. My dear old mum always told me "Don't Look Back" but I glanced in my rear-view mirror and saw van Morrison of all people in the vehicle behind! What, I wondered, was the Irish singer doing outside St Columb on a Cornish winter's day? In my nervous excitement I slowed to a crawl and he beeped his horn impatiently so I pulled over to The Bright Side of the Road to let him pass. It was then that I realised my mistake - it wasn't van Morrison at all, but a Morrison's van. At least it gave me a chance to reminisce about the great man's vast discography. Cursing my stupidity in only bringing one glove (the forecast said it'd be cold but, on the other hand, it'd be sunny) I needed to warm up so I found a cafe by the beach and got talking to a chap in the doorway who appeared to have purchased all the clothes he'd ever need in about 1968. This Dweller on the Threshhold explained that, after having had toothache all week, he'd just been to the dentist to have it out. "Does it still hurt?" I asked. "I don't know", he replied. "The dentist kept the tooth." Soon the man was staring at me intently. "If it wasn't for the beard," he said, "you'd be a dead ringer for my wife". "I haven't got a beard", I protested. "No, but my wife has", he said. The Avalon Sunset we'd been treated to earlier soon disappeared but thankfully there was no repeat of last week's Full Force Gale or even a Cold Wind in August. However, the appearance of dark clouds were an ominous sign even before Maull opened the scoring on 14, and the lead was doubled three minutes later when Allen plundered a goal from nothing to leave the Foxhole defence asking just Who Was That Masked Man? The Versatile Morrison, no relation to the esteemed Belfast Cowboy, expertly marshalled an impressive home rearguard in which Prentice again excelled so when Reed-Bennett reduced the arrears on 35 ramming home from close range after Dingle's fine cross had been headed onto the post by Bould it was a Beautiful Vision that induced A Sense of Wonder amongst the travelling faithful. Unfortunately the visitors' hopes were dashed on the hour when Olsen smashed in the third from close range following a corner and, with the mist descending to reduce visibility to just a few yards, there was little to suggest a comeback. Frustratingly the Foxes did not seem to be on the same Wavelength and there was evidently No Plan B or an ability to Keep It Simple. Whetter, absent from the defence since the very early stages of last week, has been Too Long in Exile. Without him there was No Guru, No Method, No Teacher and the team appears to be currently in A Period of Transition. St Mawgan thoroughly deserved the victory and only goal difference prevented them from going Back On Top. Such was the disappointment on Days Like This I just felt I Wanna Go Home. I intended to Hardnose the Highway but got stuck behind a tractor so I became the Queen of the Slipstream for several miles as we passed the Rolling Hills and Redwood Trees of Indian Queens until, with the traffic lights Bein' Green, I was eventually able to overtake him. Still It's All in the Game and, next week (Veryan away) I Will Be There and we will Start All Over Again. Meantime, When That Evening Sun Goes Down I'm off Down the Road for a Wild Night and some Warm Love in Foxhole. Foxhole (4-5-1): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Ryan Wilkins; Bradley Allen, Martin Gilbert, Lee Reed-Bennett, Nathan Allen, Levi Kerrigan; Benno Bould. Subs: Jowan Dingle, Rory Barnacle, Shane Kibell. St Mawgan (4-4-2): Jordan Cole; Tom Jayne, Aaron Hawken, Ollie Morrison, Brett Prentice; Alex Bicknell, Ashley Bicknell, Bonar Maull, James Olsen; Craig Allen, Stuart Harris. Subs: David Bertie, Alex Coles, Chris Jordan, Louis Price, Chris Revill. Many thanks to Paul Buscombe and Andy Ball.
  12. Saturday 23rd February 2019 St Mawgan 3 (Maull 14, Allen 17, Olsen 60) Foxhole 1 (Reed-Bennett 35) It had been an emotionally draining week. On Monday my uncle died of the big C. He was walking past Curry's when the sign fell on him. Then, on Wednesday, I invited the pop group Abba around for tea. And if I had to do the same again, I would my friend. For Nando's. St Mawgan's pitch is in close proximity to the ocean so to clear my head I pondered the merits of exploring the area prior to the game, but as I'd heard part of Mawgan Porth beach had been set aside for naturists I had to plan carefully the bits I wanted to see. Today's a Brand New Day and I'd intended to set off early but I was delayed by a knock on the door. A man with Singing Detective complexion and who seemed to be wearing somebody else's teeth said he was collecting for a new swimming pool for the village. I told him it was Precious Time and gave him a bucket of water just to get rid of him. Consequently it was not until exactly 12.59pm when I left home, which is normally when I arrange to meet my girlfriend as I love one-to-one time. As the sun was out I passed many people Choppin' Wood and Cleaning Windows but my journey to the match was soon to take a surreal turn. My dear old mum always told me "Don't Look Back" but I glanced in my rear-view mirror and saw van Morrison of all people in the vehicle behind! What, I wondered, was the legendary Irish singer doing outside St Columb on a Cornish winter's day? In my nervous excitement I slowed to a crawl and he beeped his horn impatiently so I pulled over to The Bright Side of the Road to let him pass. It was then that I realised my mistake - it wasn't van Morrison at all, but a Morrison's van. At least it gave me a chance to reminisce about the great man's vast discography. Cursing my stupidity in only bringing one glove (the forecast said it'd be cold but, on the other hand, it'd be sunny) I needed to warm up so I found a cafe by the beach and got talking to a chap in the doorway who appeared to have purchased all the clothes he'd ever need in about 1968. This Dweller on the Threshhold explained that, after having had toothache all week, he'd just been to the dentist to have it out. "Does it still hurt?" I asked. "I don't know", he replied. "The dentist kept the tooth." Soon the man was staring at me intently. "If it wasn't for the beard," he said, "you'd be a dead ringer for my wife". "I haven't got a beard", I protested. "No, but my wife has", he said. The Avalon Sunset we'd been treated to earlier soon disappeared but thankfully there was no repeat of last week's Full Force Gale or even a Cold Wind in August. However, the appearance of dark clouds were an ominous sign even before Maull opened the scoring on 14, and the lead was doubled three minutes later when Allen plundered a goal from nothing to leave the Foxhole defence asking just Who Was That Masked Man? The Versatile Morrison, no relation to the esteemed Belfast Cowboy, expertly marshalled an impressive home rearguard in which Prentice again excelled so when Reed-Bennett reduced the arrears on 35 ramming home from close range after Dingle's fine cross had been headed onto the post by Bould it was a Beautiful Vision that induced A Sense of Wonder amongst the travelling faithful. Unfortunately the visitors' hopes were dashed on the hour when Olsen smashed in the third from close range following a corner and, with the mist descending to reduce visibility to just a few yards, there was little to suggest a comeback. Frustratingly the Foxes did not seem to be on the same Wavelength and there was evidently No Plan B or an ability to Keep It Simple. Whetter, absent from the defence since the very early stages of last week, has been Too Long in Exile. Without him there was No Guru, No Method, No Teacher and the team appears to be currently in A Period of Transition. St Mawgan thoroughly deserved the victory and only goal difference prevented them from going Back On Top. Such was the disappointment on Days Like This I just felt I Wanna Go Home. I intended to Hardnose the Highway but got stuck behind a tractor so I became the Queen of the Slipstream for several miles as we passed the Rolling Hills and Redwood Trees of Indian Queens until, with the traffic lights Bein' Green, I was eventually able to overtake him. Still It's All in the Game and, next week (Veryan away) I Will Be There and we will Start All Over Again. Meantime, When That Evening Sun Goes Down I'm off Down the Road for a Wild Night and some Warm Love in Foxhole. Foxhole (4-5-1): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Huw Morgan, Ryan Wilkins; Bradley Allen, Martin Gilbert, Lee Reed-Bennett, Nathan Allen, Levi Kerrigan; Benno Bould. Subs: Jowan Dingle, Rory Barnacle, Shane Kibell. St Mawgan (4-4-2): Jordan Cole; Tom Jayne, Aaron Hawken, Ollie Morrison, Brett Prentice; Alex Bicknell, Ashley Bicknell, Bonar Maull, James Olsen; Craig Allen, Stuart Harris. Subs: David Bertie, Alex Coles, Chris Jordan, Louis Price, Chris Revill. Many thanks to Paul Buscombe and Andy Ball.
  13. Mark, welcome to Cornwall. There are closer teams to you but we at Foxhole (near St Austell) are always looking for new talent. Darin 07881738008 darinmorse@msn.com
  14. Saturday 16th February 2019 St Mawgan 2 (Jayne 9, Morrison 44) Foxhole 3 (Griffin 31, 118, Bould pen 53) aet (Junior Cup) Facing the slope and the gale Foxhole started well but went behind against the run of play when Craig Allen set up Jayne for an easy finish. A switch to a five-man midfield soon brought its rewards when Griffin expertly volleyed home Bradley Allen's fine cross but the hosts regained the lead when Morrison headed in a deep free-kick following a spell of pressure when Lake was twice tested from distance. The Foxes levelled soon after the restart when a defender inexplicably handled Griffin's cross for Bould to make no mistake from the spot. However, despite enjoying almost total possession, the visitors failed to test Jordan Cole for the remainder of normal time and the first half of extra-time. St Mawgan looked to be favourites to progress with the elements in their favour, and Lake again proved a very able deputy for the unavailable Bullen before, at the death, Griffin managed to out-fox the excellent Prentice to bag the winner. Well played lads and hard luck St Mawgan. Many thanks to the officials Paul Buscombe, Ian Osborne and Andy Ball. Foxhole (4-4-2): Anton Lake; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Lee Whetter, Huw Morgan; Martin Gilbert, Bradley Allen, Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnacle; Benno Bould, Richard Griffin. Subs: Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Allen, Martin Giles, Aidan Dingle, Jay Manning (unused). St Mawgan (4-4-2): Jordan Cole; Tom Jayne, Aaron Hawken, Ollie Morrison, Brett Prentice; Bonar Maull, Chris Revill, Alex Bicknell, James Olsen; Craig Allen, Stuart Harris. Subs: Chris Jordan, Dave Bertie, Ash Bicknell, Alex Coles.
  15. Saturday 16th February 2019 St Mawgan 2 (Jayne 9, Morrison 44) Foxhole 3 (Griffin 31, 118, Bould pen 53) aet (Junior Cup) Facing the slope and the gale Foxhole started well but went behind against the run of play when Craig Allen set up Jayne for an easy finish. A switch to a five-man midfield soon brought its rewards when Griffin expertly volleyed home Bradley Allen's fine cross but the hosts regained the lead when Morrison headed in a deep free-kick following a spell of pressure when Lake was twice tested from distance. The Foxes levelled soon after the restart when a defender inexplicably handled Griffin's cross for Bould to make no mistake from the spot. However, despite enjoying almost total possession, the visitors failed to test Jordan Cole for the remainder of normal time and the first half of extra-time. St Mawgan looked to be favourites to progress with the elements in their favour, and Lake again proved a very able deputy for the unavailable Bullen before, at the death, Griffin managed to out-fox the excellent Prentice to bag the winner. Well played lads and hard luck St Mawgan. Many thanks to the officials Paul Buscombe, Ian Osborne and Andy Ball. Foxhole (4-4-2): Anton Lake; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Lee Whetter, Huw Morgan; Martin Gilbert, Bradley Allen, Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnacle; Benno Bould, Richard Griffin. Subs: Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Allen, Martin Giles, Aidan Dingle, Jay Manning (unused). St Mawgan (4-4-2): Jordan Cole; Tom Jayne, Aaron Hawken, Ollie Morrison, Brett Prentice; Bonar Maull, Chris Revill, Alex Bicknell, James Olsen; Craig Allen, Stuart Harris. Subs: Chris Jordan, Dave Bertie, Ash Bicknell, Alex Coles.
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