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Darin Morse

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Darin Morse last won the day on January 3 2018

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  1. Monday 15th July 2019 Sticker 0 Foxhole 2 (Cheshire 43, Bould 89) Foxhole completed their second victory over South West Peninsula opposition in three days. In the first half they were given the runaround by the hosts who only failed to build a substantial lead due to indifferent finishing and another fine goalkeeping display by Hicks, while Avery's screamer crashed against the bar. However, the depleted visitors, missing Andrews, Deadman, Kerrigan, Reed-Bennett and the elder Allen, hung in there and snatched the lead when Clarke was unable to deal with Rowles-Jane's back pass, allowing Cheshire to force home. Although, in possession terms, the second half followed a broadly similar pattern, there were fewer heart-stopping moments, largely due to an imperious display from young centre-half Coates, all thunderous challenges and huge clearances. With seconds remaining Brown's long ball was chased down by Bould who out-foxed Avery before rounding Clarke and rolling the ball into the net. Well played the super Foxes. Good luck to Sticker. Many thanks to officials Kevin Knowles, Steve Sloggett, Callie Rundle and Ray Wilson. Foxhole (4-3-3): Shaun Hicks; Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Angel Coates; Nathan Allen, Huw Morgan, Ben Rosevear; Benno Bould, Chris Brown, Tyler Cheshire. Subs: Rory Barnacle, Richard Griffin, Callie Rundle. Sticker (4-5-1): Connor Clarke; Jack Walker, Brad Hoskin, Andrew Avery, Micky Rowles-Jane; Theo Maye, Tom Tallis, Gavin Smith, Ash Winkworth, Derrick Lucas; Jack Hooper. Subs: Joel Cockings, James Martin, Bailey Smith, Josh Yelland, Liam Nicholls. Tuesday 16th July 2019 Foxhole reserves 8 (Hawken x3, A Rundle pen, J Robinson x2, Manning, Allen pen) Biscovey 0 HT 4-0 Foxhole (3-5-2): Sam Mitchell; Dan Allen, Josh Andrews, Steve Kellow; Wayne Hoole, Callie Rundle, Jay Manning, Jake Couch, Caleb Hawken; Jamie Robinson, Richard James. Subs: Matt Lean, Aydan Rundle, Kian Hooper, Dean Robinson. Biscovey: Callum Tregidgo, Bradley Mills, Billy Trudgeon, Connor Durnin, Jordan Rowse, Hayden Tregidgo, Dan Lydon, Owen Barnard, Harry Moss, Jacob Adams, Matt Waller, Luke Turnbull, Rui Almeda, Michael Cocks, Dylan Hankinson. Well played lads. Best of luck to Biscovey. Many thanks to Sam Doble, Chris Allen and the various visiting linos. THURSDAY 18TH JULY ST AGNES v FOXHOLE (ECPL) 7.00
  2. Saturday 13th July 2019 Foxhole 3 (Bould 19, Dingle 30, Slateford 54) Penzance 2 (Owen 79, Davey 82) With both sides missing key men little can be read into this result but any victory over a side playing two divisions higher this season is pleasing. Bould opened the scoring with a close range header from debutant Dedman's inswinging corner, and Dingle soon doubled the lead with a finish from an extremely acute angle. Slateford appeared to have made the game safe with a composed low finish after Whiting had beaten away an effort from impressive newcomer Cheshire but, to their credit, Penzance were rewarded for their tidy play throughout with two late goals from distance. Also making their first starts for the Foxes were Coates and Rosevear who both did very well, and it was nice to see a return between the posts for Hicks, without whom the visitors would have completed a dramatic recovery. Well played both teams and best of luck to Penzance. Many thanks to officials Tom Roper, Aydan Rundle and brilliant goal-scoring linesman Sam Owen. Foxhole (4-3-3): Shaun Hicks; Bradley Allen, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Angel Coates; Josh Andrews, Nathan Allen, Ben Rosevear; Ollie Dedman, Benno Bould, Tyler Cheshire. Subs: Ryan Wilkins, Callie Rundle, Neil Slateford, Aidan Dingle. Penzance: Ben Whiting, Liam Chinn, Dave Mitchell, Ashley Lawrence, Scott Grant, Jack Reynolds, Gary Bell, Morgan Kewn, Darrell Richards, Anton Oliver, Darren Davey. Subs: Sam Owen, Owen Barrett.
  3. My opinion hasn't changed - get rid of it altogether!
  4. Foxhole (ECPL and Duchy 1) continue their training next Tuesday 9th and Thursday 11th at their Goverseth ground from around 6.30pm. New players welcome. You can contact me by private message on here, or 07881738008 or darinmorse@msn.com Darin Morse
  5. Sounds like it's a game to raise money for desperately ill or dying children. I think most of us will realise this can only be something to be praised.
  6. I haven't seen the film but I hope it changes the perception held by far too many that Maradona was nothing but a cheat. He was the best player I ever saw, albeit only on telly. His handball in 1986 was wrong - but so is any deliberate handball, any foul, any instance of rule-breaking on the pitch. If Lineker or Beardsley had done the same thing at the other end of the pitch, it would have been shrugged off in this country merely as attempts to score. What's worse - handling the ball into the net, or kicking lumps out of a genius (the tactic employed by many against Maradona, including Englishmen)?
  7. Sunday 19th May Foxhole 0 St Mawgan 2 (Allen 69, Jayne 75) KMD final at St Dennis Depleted Foxhole were unable to retain the KMD cup but can nevertheless be proud of their success in winning the league and unluckily losing the Junior Cup final. Today the absence of the crocked Reed-Bennett and the unavailable Morgan was keenly felt, but the biggest loss was top-scorer Griffin, serving the final match of a three game suspension after his ludicrously harsh dismissal in the semi-final. Reed-Bennett and Griffin have contributed nearly 60 goals between them this season, and ultimately the Foxes did not possess sufficient fire-power in reserve (but, then again, which team would?) St Mawgan were unable to capitalise on a stiff breeze in the first half, only threatening once when Allen released Bicknell down the right, but Bullen fielded the shot well. Soon after, Brown's trickery on the left created a chance for Bould, but his thunderous left-footed drive struck the bar. The Foxhole faithful sensed it was perhaps not going to be their day when this was immediately followed by Bould firing a penalty too high, after the striker had been upended when clean through by Cole, who somehow escaped a booking, much less a red card. Hampered by further injuries to both Papioannou and Brown, Foxhole struggled to break down the solid and heavily populated rearguard. However their commitment can not be doubted, as they battled manfully for every loose ball, and played some tidy football while defending well against lively attackers until Allen was allowed to poke home from close range. Whetter almost levelled moments later, but his near post header from Jowan Dingle's inswinging corner flashed agonisingly wide. Jayne then doubled the lead when his cross found the net fortuitously, his side seeing out time fairly comfortably as the threadbare Foxes' squad ran out of options. Well played the league champions for a great effort today and a thrilling season. Congratulations to St Mawgan and thanks to the officials, the Duchy League committee and St Dennis AFC. Foxhole (4-3-3): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Bradley Allen, Lee Whetter, Ryan Wilkins; Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnacle, Nathan Allen; Benno Bould, Chris Brown, Aidan Dingle. Subs: Martin Gilbert, Jowan Dingle. St Mawgan: Craig Allen, Alex Bicknell, Jordan Cole, Stuart Harris, Aaron Hawken, Thomas Jayne, Bonar Maull, Oliver Morrison, James Olsen, Brett Prentice, Chris Revill. Subs: David Bertie, Ashley Bicknell, Alex Coles, Joe Gwilliams. Officials: Alan Shaw, Sam Doble, Josh Morford.
  8. Sunday 19th May Foxhole 0 St Mawgan 2 (Allen 69, Jayne 75) KMD final at St Dennis Depleted Foxhole were unable to retain the KMD cup but can nevertheless be proud of their success in winning the league and unluckily losing the Junior Cup final. Today the absence of the crocked Reed-Bennett and the unavailable Morgan was keenly felt, but the biggest loss was top-scorer Griffin, serving the final match of a three game suspension after his ludicrously harsh dismissal in the semi-final. Reed-Bennett and Griffin have contributed nearly 60 goals between them this season, and ultimately the Foxes did not possess sufficient fire-power in reserve (but, then again, which team would?) St Mawgan were unable to capitalise on a stiff breeze in the first half, only threatening once when Allen released Bicknell down the right, but Bullen fielded the shot well. Soon after, Brown's trickery on the left created a chance for Bould, but his thunderous left-footed drive struck the bar. The Foxhole faithful sensed it was perhaps not going to be their day when this was immediately followed by Bould firing a penalty too high, after the striker had been upended when clean through by Cole, who somehow escaped a booking, much less a red card. Hampered by further injuries to both Papioannou and Brown, Foxhole struggled to break down the solid and heavily populated rearguard. However their commitment can not be doubted, as they battled manfully for every loose ball, and played some tidy football while defending well against lively attackers until Allen was allowed to poke home from close range. Whetter almost levelled moments later, but his near post header from Jowan Dingle's inswinging corner flashed agonisingly wide. Jayne then doubled the lead when his cross found the net fortuitously, his side seeing out time fairly comfortably as the threadbare Foxes' squad ran out of options. Well played the league champions for a great effort today and a thrilling season. Congratulations to St Mawgan and thanks to the officials, the Duchy League committee and St Dennis AFC. Foxhole (4-3-3): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Bradley Allen, Lee Whetter, Ryan Wilkins; Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnacle, Nathan Allen; Benno Bould, Chris Brown, Aidan Dingle. Subs: Martin Gilbert, Jowan Dingle. St Mawgan: Craig Allen, Alex Bicknell, Jordan Cole, Stuart Harris, Aaron Hawken, Thomas Jayne, Bonar Maull, Oliver Morrison, James Olsen, Brett Prentice, Chris Revill. Subs: David Bertie, Ashley Bicknell, Alex Coles, Joe Gwilliams. Officials: Alan Shaw, Sam Doble, Josh Morford.
  9. Torpoint 5 (Robbins 10, Applegate 13, 59 pen, 72, Gibbons 88) Foxhole 0 Saturday 11th May 2019 You know, as a means of predicting the future, I'm not convinced the typical horoscope in a newspaper is totally reliable. Today, mine said "Pisces....don't believe everything you read. Uranus is cute but, as Mercury is prominent this week, only drink bottled water. England will win the World Cup in 1966." It ended with "today will be eventful....or possibly uneventful." At least they got that bit right. Things started to go wrong in the morning. I was enjoying a leisurely bath when there was a loud banging on the front door. I tried to ignore it but the knocking became persistent so I bellowed, "Who is it?" A voice shouted back, "I'm just a blind man". Annoyed at having to climb out of my hot bath, I didn't see the need to cover myself and opened the door completely naked. The man on the step was visibly shaken. "Can I interest you in some blinds?", he asked tentatively. Unsure of the exact location of Horson Field I allowed myself plenty of time for the drive but, with the roads quiet, I found myself with ages to spare before kick off so decided to explore the town on foot. However, glancing around at the seriously outdated clothes being worn by the locals going about their business in the main street reminded me that Torpoint is one of the few places where I actually look vaguely fashionable. I couldn't help wondering if perhaps there had recently been a fire sale at a tank top factory nearby. Torpoint is known for its ferries but the plethora of 70s haircuts suggested the principle mode of transport there should be the Tardis. (In fairness, the good thing about lending someone a time machine is that you at least get it back straightaway). After a short spell of window shopping (during which time I bought two windows), I took to studying the architecture of the town as I strolled along, and thought each structure appeared to be competing against the next in a bizarre ugly building contest. Not many people know that Torpoint was actually mentioned in the Domesday book and was given an estimated value by the conquering Normans of £250. Today, it must be worth at least twice that. I then realised I had forgotten to bring any pencil and paper for my notes during the match, so I popped into a newsagents and asked the assistant, "Do you keep stationery?" "No," she replied. "I'm moving all the time". Just then, a harassed woman burst into the shop clutching a leather lead and shrieked, "Have you seen a shiatsu?" "Well, I went to one that had no animals once", I said. The town centre is a complex mix of narrow roads within a challenging road system, restricted parking and tacky gift shops. With road signs indicating even the general whereabouts of Horson Field evidently an optional extra, I had to swallow my pride and ask the way. Regrettably, so vague and incomprehensible were the directions emanating from the chap I stopped, it soon became obvious he too was on a day trip to Torpoint (in fact, I think he was from Moronville, just down the coast). My next choice was no more enlightening; an old lady advised me to "follow the crowd" but I ended up in the chip shop. I was feeling hungry so I decided to buy a meal there, but unfortunately I had to take it back. "This food isn't cooked properly", I complained. "Why do you say that?" asked the chap behind the counter. "The fish is sucking vinegar off my chips", I said. The best that can be said for the performance was that Foxhole were perhaps saving themselves for next week's cup final, as they were embarrassed by a slicker and fitter team. Robbins beat Bullen with a dipping drive from 30 yards before the referee controversially overruled an offside flag allowing Applegate to run through unchallenged. Although no further damage was done in the first half, the Foxes struggled to mount a fightback and only once threatened to score, but Bould's close range effort was easily gathered. The victory was sealed just before the hour mark when a penalty was awarded for Gibbons' stumble, the incredibly soft penalty being duly converted by a gleeful Applegate, who soon completed his hat-trick with a shot into the corner. With Griffin cruelly suspended, the Foxes had been forced to adopt a shorter passing game, but ultimately it meant the game was played in front of the imposing central defensive partnership of Hicks and Chris Westall. Regrettably they were extended all too rarely, although Bould and Gilbert did both go close before Gibbons completed the scoring. I couldn't wait to get away, as my excursion had been singularly dismal. I smiled wryly to myself, however, when I passed a road sign on my way home. It read: "You are now leaving Torpoint - well done." Foxhole (4-3-3): Matt Bullen; Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Huw Morgan; Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnacle, Aidan Dingle; Jowan Dingle, Benno Bould, Bradley Allen. Subs: Martin Gilbert, Nathan Allen. Torpoint (4-4-2): Matt Westall; Jake White, Sam White, Chris Westall, Darren Hicks; James Robertson, Joe Eke, Jamie Hill, Tyler Copp; Byron Robbins, Ben Applegate. Subs: Alex Richardson, Max Greenham, Callum Bays, Luke Gibbons, Fraser Benney. Thanks to the officials Ian Spurling, Ray Wilson and Fraser Benney.
  10. Tuesday 7th May 2009 St Dennis 1 (McGall 19) Foxhole 7 (Bould 5, 32 pen, 40, 50 pen, Bradley Allen 18, Lowe og 61, Brown 68) Only a mathematical miracle can prevent Foxhole from claiming the Duchy Premier division title after an emphatic victory which was never in doubt after Bould's early header from Wilkins' deep centre. Bradley Allen doubled the lead with a close-range finish, although home lone striker McGall soon took advantage of a mishap involving Morgan and Bullen. The Foxes regained the initiative and, following Wills' challenge on Aidan Dingle, their two-goal advantage was restored from the spot courtesy of Bould, who then completed his hat-trick before the break with a smart finish from Brown's outswinging corner. The second half followed a similar pattern of incessant visiting pressure as the champions-elect settled for three further goals. Brown was again upended in the box, this time by Trudgeon; Bould duly despatched the penalty before being withdrawn to allow a welcome lengthy run out for Jowan Dingle who soon whipped in an inviting cross which Lowe could only slide past George for an unfortunate own goal. There was still a quarter of the match left when Brown made it 7-1 after clever approach work from Barnacle and Whetter, but, despite continuing to create chances, the St Dennis defence held firm despite constantly changing their personnel. Foxhole (4-3-3): Matt Bullen; Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Huw Morgan; Nathan Allen, Rory Barnacle, Aidan Dingle; Bradley Allen, Benno Bould, Chris Brown. Subs: Jowan Dingle, Martin Gilbert, Levi Kerrigan. St Dennis ( 5-4-1): Zac George; Jordan Wills, Dave Grose, Rob Astin, Perry Harvey, Brad Lowe; Ash Taylor, Jack Carron, Sam Trudgeon, Kieran Ralph; Nathan McGall. Subs: John Pickering, Chris Cloke, Tristan Orchard. Well done the super Foxes. Well played St Dennis. Many thanks to the officials Josh Morford, Steven Rowe and Ian Osborne. Lanivet 1 (Pearson) Foxhole reserves 4 (James, Kellow x2, Pascoe) Foxhole: Josh Andrews, Jake Couch, Caleb Hawken, Richard James, Steven Kellow, Matthew Lean, Jay Manning, Stewart May, Jeremy Pascoe, Jamie Robinson, Callan Rundle. Subs: Phil Hutchings, Sam Mitchell. Lanivet: Alex Ahearn, Liam Ames, Connor Butler, Stuart Hill, Dan Jennings, Bradley Lang, Darren Lang, Dan Marshall, James Mcnary, Matthew Pearson, Luke Sleeman. Subs: Ollie Brown, Luke Sanders. Sent off: Jennings Many thanks to George Wright.
  11. Sunday 5th May 2019 Foxhole 0 Mousehole 2 (Marsden 49, Fitchett 57) Junior Cup final at Hayle Foxhole should have been out of sight by the break but were left to rue their inability to convert numerous opportunities. It wasn't top scorer Griffin's day, alas, as he twice elected to pass into an area unoccupied by team-mates when clean through, before crashing a thunderbolt against the bar, while Angove did well to turn Gilbert's close range effort over the bar. Mousehole must have known it was going to be their day when the appropriately named Hands' blatant hand-ball in the box was not spotted. With the breeze at their backs after the restart, the west Cornwall side soon went ahead with a long range drive from Marsden, who hadn't had a kick until then. The Foxes responded immediately when Griffin's deep centre was headed back by Bould for substitute Reed-Bennett to force home, only for the goal to be mysteriously ruled out. Foxhole's week of bizarre decisions going against them continued when Fitchett somehow got away with controlling a high ball with his arm, which allowed him the space to turn Whetter and fire past Bullen, while Aidan Dingle's excellent full-blooded challenge on Howes was inexplicably deemed worthy of a booking. Mousehole were able to see out time in relative comfort, and credit to them for grinding out a victory having been comprehensibly outplayed for much of the game. Foxhole (4-4-2): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Lee Whetter, Huw Morgan; Bradley Allen, Nathan Allen, Levi Kerrigan, Martin Gilbert; Richard Griffin, Benno Bould. Subs: Lee Reed-Bennett, Jowan Dingle, Aidan Dingle, Rory Barnacle, Ryan Wilkins. Mousehole (4-4-2): Dom Angove; Matt Howes, Tom Hands, Ben Ward, James Tonkin; Jamie Simons, Joe Davies, Jason Simmonds, Callum George; Michael Fitchett, Caleb Marsden. Subs: Jacob Trudgeon, Alex Nixon, Ben Fewkes, Tom McGarry, Tom Hooper. Thanks to the officials and Hayle FC.
  12. Thursday 2nd May 2019 Foxhole reserves 1 (James 46) Nanpean 2 (May og 8, J Willmott 61) Shoe Boy cup semi at St Dennis Jordi Willmott's fine goal proved decisive in this entertaining encounter, the striker brilliantly controlling substitute Geach's deep cross before turning Andrews and slotting into the corner. Otherwise there was little to choose between the sides, with the Foxes ultimately unable to mount a significant late rally. They fell behind early on when May fumbled the ball into his own net but, after having the better of the first half, James equalised within 40 seconds of the restart, muscling through to beat Hunkin at the near post. Both Lean and James should have earned penalties when fouled in the box, but each elected to stay on their feet in honest attempts to score themselves. Manning's belated appearance as a flying winger offered some hope but Nanpean held on relatively comfortably. Well played both teams and thanks to the officials. Foxhole (4-4-2): Stewart May; Dan Allen, Matt Lean, Steve Kellow, Josh Andrews; Callan Rundle, Caleb Hawken, Jeremy Pascoe, Jake Couch; Richard James, Jamie Robinson. Subs: Jacob Mitchell, Jay Manning. Nanpean: George Bartlett, Lewis Burnett, Ashley Gilbert, James Hunkin, George Packer, Sam Parsons, Nick Reski, Jack Taylor, Jordi Willmott, Kyle Willmott, Reece Wilmott. Subs: Gareth Geach, Dylan Knight, Shaun Trudgeon.
  13. Tuesday 30th April 2019 Foxhole 1 (Bould 26) Veryan 0 KMD cup semi at Sticker A brilliant goal from Bould settled this tight encounter, the frontman cleverly turning Penhaligon before firing past Holland from 18 yards. The keeper had denied him in the first minute, diving to his right to beat away a penalty awarded for Trebilcock's foul on Griffin, who then immediately lobbed too high when well placed. Foxhole's opener had been coming, but it was followed by a period of Veryan pressure and they were unfortunate not to equalise when Cheshire's header crashed against the bar. The second half was similarly nip and tuck but the Foxes successfully held on to their slender lead with relatively few scares. In any event, Bullen was, like his counterpart Holland, in superlative form. With defences on top, few clear cut chances were created, Griffin coming the closest when he shot against the far post. I have chosen to make no comment on the excellent Griffin's late dismissal. Thanks to the officials Paul Cackett, Steve Tootle and Tony Ford. Congratulations to the super Foxes and well played Veryan for an outstanding performance. Foxhole (4-3-3): Matt Bullen; Nathan Papaioannou, Chris Brown, Lee Whetter, Ryan Wilkins; Nathan Allen, Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnacle; Richard Griffin, Martin Gilbert, Benno Bould. Subs: Huw Morgan, Bradley Allen, Jowan Dingle, Aidan Dingle, Jowan Dingle. Veryan (4-5-1): Billy Holland; Justin Trebilcock, Aaron Moyse, Andrew Pearce, Jon Penhaligan; Sam Bullen, Andrew Butler, Derrick Lucas, Martin O'Callaghan, Dan Vincent, Tyler Cheshire. Subs: Luke Hitchens, Louis Mullan.
  14. Saturday 27th April 2019 St Minver reserves 4 (Beasley, Henderson x2, Walsh) Foxhole reserves 3 (Couch, Hawken pen, Bould) Foxhole: Josh Andrews, Jake Couch, Caleb Hawken, Richard James, Steven Kellow, Matthew Lean, Jacob Mitchell, Sam Mitchell, Jeremy Pascoe, Jamie Robinson, Callan Rundle. Subs: Dan Allen, Benno Bould, Phil Hutchings. St Minver: Ross Beare, Ozzie Beasley, Toby Eddison, Sam Gough, Luke Henderson, Josh Herron, Alex Knight, Travis Richards, Dean Roberts, Sam Smith, Dale Walsh. Subs: Josh Caddy, Sean Phillips. Well played both teams. Many thanks to Ashley Morris.
  15. Lostwithiel 2 (Phillips 62, Facey 74) Foxhole 5 (Bould 1, 8, 59, Griffin 34, 55) Saturday 20th April 2019 The morning had not gone well. First, I discovered I had been the victim of a scam. I had recently taken out a subscription to a new magazine called "Your Dog" and was really excited about receiving my first issue. However, when it arrived through the post today I found it was full of photos of random pooches but there was absolutely nothing about my darling Fido. Then my girlfriend told me that the car wouldn't start as there was water in the carburettor. "How do you know that's the problem?" I asked her. "I didn't realise you knew about such things?" "Because I've just crashed into the river", she said. I couldn't be mad at her. As soon as I met her, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves. At least I could still get to the match by train; however, the journey east was painfully slow, although it didn't take quite as long as I feared after hearing an announcement over the loadspeaker. It said that due to signal work at Par there would be delays till June. I think it was just scaremongering, though, as we got through it in about ten minutes. Apparently this route was originally meant to be part of the HS2 high speed upgrade until the government realised nobody would ever want to get to Lostwithiel in a hurry. Eventually I heard the tannoy announce that when we arrived it would be 1153. On glancing out of the window as we approached Lostwithiel station and being taken aback at the quaintness of the surroundings I thought that had been a bit harsh. It was more like 1968. The town appeared so reminiscent of the set of the classic film The Land that Time Forgot I thought I may later spot Doug McClure tussling with a man-eating dinosaur near a U-boat moored off the banks of the river Fowey. I really shouldn't have been surprised - only last week the Radio Times revealed the BBC are to film the new series of Life on Mars in Lostwithiel, as they reckon they'll save a fortune on location costs. Fumbling for my platform ticket, I was suddenly unsure of the details of my return journey, so I rushed back to the station and asked the porter for the times of the trains to St Austell. "Why don't you look online?", he said. "That's a bit dangerous, isn't it?", I replied incredulously. Then I noticed that somebody had left a piano outside the lost property office. I had a little tinkle on it, which saved me twenty pence. I had long planned to tie in the game with a visit to Restormel castle but unfortunately it was closed for dinner when I got there. I opted to wait for it to re-open and got talking to an odd looking couple ahead of me in the queue. He was bald and in his eighties; she was about 25, heavily pregnant and wearing a diamond necklace which dazzled in the April sunshine against his smooth head. He explained in asthmatic tones how they were half way through a punishing monument-visiting honeymoon. Clearly something of an expert in the genre, he told me while showering me with remnants of his breakfast that the castle was Lostwithiel's oldest erection, although his wife's gold-sequinned maternity dress suggested he himself may hold that particular distinction. Unsettled by her constant nibbling on his ear, I was relieved when a guide in Fred Scuttle cap and glasses at last opened the gates. Eager for knowledge, I toyed with the idea of buying the official tour brochure but baulked at the £5.99 price, instead seeking out the Benny Hill lookalike. After peering at his name badge, I reckoned a chatty approach would best serve my quest for free information, but our conversation was destined to take a surreal turn. "So, David", I began. "How old is the castle?" The guide observed me for a moment. "It's Norman, actually", he said. I blushed. "I'm so sorry. So how old is the castle, Norman?" The guide shuffled his feet. "No", he said. "The castle is Norman." I was very confused. "Why did you decide to call the castle Norman?", I asked. Before he could answer, my attention was drawn to the newly-weds, as she was trying to persuade her ailing husband to climb the 150 steps to the battlements. Fearing this could be his last act before an extended period wired up to a life-support machine, I decided to head back toward the town centre. Once there, I couldn't help but notice the crisp packets and assorted debris blowing around in the breeze. It brought to mind an article in the Cornish Guardian reporting how someone had recently been fined for fly-tipping in the town. Given the amount of litter I now encountered, frankly I'm amazed anybody noticed. Angry and disgusted I marched straight to the town hall to complain, and was relieved to find it open on a Saturday dinnertime. "What are you going to do about all this litter?" I demanded, only to be abruptly told, "Nothing". "Why not?", I asked impatiently. "Because this is a yoga class." Given I still had time to spare before kick off I decided to join in. However, the instructor was a touch tipsy, which put me in an awkward position. The game itself was somewhat less eventful but Foxhole duly completed a routine victory in the sunshine, having the game won by half-time largely thanks to some pretty ruthless finishing. Bould latched on to Papaioannou's long ball to expertly fire first-time past Davies inside 70 seconds, before the striker smashed home his second minutes later from close range after the home defence failed to adequately clear a cross from the left. Lostwithiel offered little threat going forward but successfully repelled the countless visiting attacks until Bould's brilliant cross was emphatically despatched by Griffin. The early stages of the second half continued in similar vein as the home team defended in numbers to keep the score down. However, they were unable to prevent Griffin doubling his tally, coolly converting Whetter's firm headed pass, before Bould, who had seemingly mislaid his shooting boots when squandering golden chances since the break, finally completed his hat-trick from da Silva's centre. Unfortunately the Foxes then rather took their eye off the ball with some sloppy defending and presented Lostwithiel with a couple of Easter gifts which Cook and Facey eagerly devoured. Foxhole (4-3-3): Matt Bullen; Bradley Allen, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Huw Morgan; Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnicle, Nathan Allen; Martin Gilbert, Richard Griffin, Benno Bould, Subs: Andre da Silva, Ryan Wilkins. Lostwithiel (4-4-2): Billy Davies; Tyler Cummings, Jamie Facey, Chris Chandler, Josh Cook; Ben Wilkinson, Ryan Searle, Dan Carr, Alex Jacques; James Hutchings, Bayley Phillips.Subs: Owen Carr, Jordan Cook. Well played both teams. Many thanks to officials Steve McCulloch, Ian Osborne and Nathan Gough. Foxhole reserves 11 (Robinson x4, Pascoe x2, Hawken x2, Kellow, James, Couch) St Columb 0 Foxhole (3-5-2): Aydan Rundle; Josh Andrews, Steve Kellow, Matt Lean; Jeremy Pascoe, Callan Rundle, Jay Manning, Jake Couch, Caleb Hawken; Jamie Robinson, Richard James. Subs: Phil Hutchings, Jacob Mitchell, Adam Kerby. St Columb: Ben Atherton, Sidney Bennett, Oscar Bilkey, Michael Bonner, Joel Doust, David Dowling, Chris Gregory, Dan Mckenna, Josh Priest, Scott Taylor, Elliott Webber. Many thanks to referee Jo Harris.
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