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Darin Morse

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Darin Morse last won the day on November 23

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  1. Saturday 14th December 2019 St Dominick 6 (Jeffery 23, Ryall 25, 71, 75, Prescott 68, 80) Foxhole 2 (Bould pen 43, Cheshire 87) Sent off: Bould 43; Coates 55 Foxhole (4-3-3): Ben Hurst; Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Angel Coates; Frank McAvoy, Rory Barnacle, Levi Kerrigan; Benno Bould, Chris Dingle, Tyler Cheshire.Subs: Jay Manning, Josh Andrews. St Dominick (4-4-2): Jamie Blatchford; Ryan Cloake, James Pascoe, Harvey Barrett, Ryan Corey; Nathan Behennah, Callum Searle, James Bloomfield, Kieran Prescott; Ben Jeffery, Keiran Ryall.Subs: Chris Walker, Ben Walters, Kieran Searle. It had been an unsettling week. My employer had organised a free NHS health check, and the doctor I saw told me he had some good news and some bad news. He said he’d examined my rectum and my tonsils and both were fine. However, he hadn’t washed his hands in between. Then I learned my uncle had been arrested for suspected drug dealing and was strip searched. Police had found a large amount of crack down the back of his trousers. So it was with a heavy heart that I spent this morning rushing around trying to find a Christmas tree within my budget before eventually deciding on one that drooped alarmingly, being sold from a layby just outside St Austell. "Are you putting it up yourself?" the man asked. "Well I was thinking of placing it in my living room, actually," I said. My elderly aunt lives near Callington and I'm obliged to visit her whenever I’m up that way so it was with the usual apprehension that I rang her bell after a tortuously slow journey in the winter sunshine. I hate the way she insists on interrogating me on every detail of my often strained relationship with my girlfriend, so I hoped she either wouldn't be in, or was perhaps stranded in her stairlift after a timely powercut and wouldn't be able to open the door. Alas, there she was, looking like a stunt double for Vera Lynn, her wooden legs attached to her real feet. Her guide dog, whose eyesight is marginally worse than my aunt's, greeted me in the usual way by sniffing my groin. (Why is it acceptable for dogs to do that? I tried it last week with my girlfriend but she slapped my face. Mind you, we were Christmas shopping in Asda at the time). Aunty immediately asked about my partner, and I said I had recently bought her an engagement ring. Unfortunately she had dropped it on the kitchen floor, and our pet labrador had swallowed it. We had been going through the motions ever since. Keen to get to the match, I soon made my excuses and stood up to leave. My bid for freedom was delayed, however, as from inside a pink Ottoman, she produced my present for the festive season - a jumper she had obviously spent many a lonely evening knitting with purple wool. I had no option but to feign gratitude and pull it over my head. It was much too short for me, barely covering my chest. "Sorry love,” she said sorrowfully. "I ran out of wool. I needed it for something else.” "No problem, Aunty,” I replied, doing my best to convince her that her handiwork was the latest in haute couture. Then I noticed she had knitted three sleeves on the jumper. "But why have you knitted an extra sleeve?" "That's what I needed the rest of the wool for,” she explained, regarding me as if I was the one in the early stages of dementia. Once I’d finally escaped, I headed for St Dominick and still found myself with time to spare to explore the village before kick off, which was fortunate as I had no idea where the ground was. Glancing around at the seriously outdated clothes being worn by the locals going about their business suggested to me that St Dominick may well be one of the few places where I actually look vaguely fashionable. I couldn't help wondering if perhaps it possessed the world's last surviving branch of John Collier, or indeed whether there had recently been a fire sale at a tank top factory nearby. Having had no luck locating the pitch, I stopped to ask a chap standing outside the chemist’s. He told me he was waiting for it to re-open after dinner so he could buy Lemsip for his poorly wife. "She's had to go back up to bed," he told me mournfully. "Flu?" I asked him. "No,” he said. "She took the stairs." I soon wished I’d spent the whole day at my aunt’s as I witnessed a home victory even more emphatic that Boris Johnson’s. From the off, an altogether slicker and fitter St Dominick controlled the game, repeatedly cutting through our out-numbered midfield and uneasy-looking defence, and, after somehow surviving with our goal intact for the first quarter, two rapid strikes from Jeffery and Ryall left us with a mountain to climb. Bould’s spot-kick awarded for hands against Pascoe offered the sizeable visiting contingent some hope, but this was soon to evaporate when the striker saw red after an altercation off the ball. While the second-half started promisingly with long-range efforts from the returning Dingle and McAvoy at last extending Blatchford, Coates’ dismissal for studs up on Behennah ensured there would be no miracle comeback. St Dominick had been far superior when it was 11 v 11, and so had no problem banging in four goals in no time against our demoralised nine. Prescott bagged two, his second a blistering free-kick, while the excellent Ryall claimed a deserved hat-trick with composed finishing to match his impudent skill. It very nearly got embarrassing as the Saints swarmed forward down the slope, so some credit to the Foxes for limiting it to just the six, and even managing a fine consolation from Cheshire. The mauling left me in no mood to hang around in the cold and, as it had taken me nearly an hour to reach Callington via St Ive I thought I'd try to find a shortcut on my way home. However, before long, I was hopelessly lost on Bodmin Moor, inching the Polo through narrow lanes and across rough terrain as the light failed and the heavy rain set in with a vengeance, making it virtually impossible to see where I was going. I really had no idea where I was and cursed my stupidity in not staying on familiar roads. In the distance I could just make out a light shining rather dimly, so I decided to head towards it, hoping it would return me to civilisation where someone could point me in the right direction. After some time, and through ever-worsening weather, I could see that the light was just a flickering bulb above a wooden door of a ramshackle, single storey building. After parking next to a sheep, who looked genuinely surprised to see me, I knocked on the door, which rattled alarmingly in the gale before being opened by a girl of about eight. "Hello little one", I said. "Is your mum in? I'd like to speak to her". "No", she replied. "She went out when my dad came in". "OK", I said. "Can I speak to your dad then?" The girl tutted. "No, he went out when my big brother came in". "Well, can I speak to your big brother then?" "No, he went out when I came in". By now I was exasperated. "What is this, some kind of madhouse?" "No", she said. "This is the outside toilet. I live over there." She pointed to another, if anything even more dilapidated, building across the yard. I followed the girl to her home and was introduced to her family who were about to settle down to a hearty meal of road kill and chips, with fresh wild berries in lard for afters. The hirsute head of the household, who was smoking a pipe clenched between broken yellow teeth, wore a boiler suit and hob-nailed boots, and her husband was similarly dressed. She invited me to join them for tea but my eyes had been drawn to the unfortunate animal lying on the table with a huge carving knife through its breast. Despite the visible tyre marks, it appeared still to be twitching, showing more signs of life than some Sunderland players recently. By now it was getting late and, with no sign of an improvement in the weather, I wondered if I shouldn't find somewhere to stay the night. Politely declining the family's kind offer to sleep in the barn with a goat for company, I set off armed with directions to the local inn, "The Foot and Mouth", a few miles away. I arrived starving, but the only food available from the kitchen smelt as if it may once have been the animals from Mountain Vets that didn't make it. The aroma of the burgers was particularly unappetising and when the barmaid handed one to me, I peered at it the way Khloe Kardashian might inspect a pair of trainers on sale in the middle aisle of Aldi. I hoped the burger had not originated from a creature whose final act was to perish at Becher's Brook, but I had little option but to reluctantly eat both it and a dish of the dessert du jour, which was rhubarb crumble on toast. While eating, I read the notice-board and saw that the pub offered rooms with either a bath or a shower, so I asked the barmaid what the difference was. "Well," she said. "You can sit down in a bath". While the prospect of such luxury accommodation was undeniably attractive, I decided to head back home after all, and, after quickly rediscovering the main road under clearing skies, I spent the journey trying to come up with an amusing way to end my report, but without success. Well played St Dominick, comfortably the best team we’ve faced in the league this season. Many thanks to Alan Johns, Ian Osborne and the home lino.
  2. Saturday 7th December Foxhole reserves 2 (Cheshire x2) Lifton 1 (Ryan Hancock) HT 1-1 Foxhole reserves (4-4-2): Stewart May; Dan Allen, Matt Lean, Steve Kellow, Jeremy Pascoe; Dylan Jones, Nathan Allen, Jake Couch, Jacob Mitchell; Bradley Allen, Richard James. Subs: Tyler Cheshire, Rhys Lamy, Adam Kirby, Caleb Hawken, Wayne Hoole. Lifton: Joshua Chalk, Nathan Farrer, Ryan Hancock, Thomas Hancock, Cameron Heard, Jordan Mason, George Murrain, Jake Murrain, Dominic Snell, Jacob Todd, Sean Tucker Subs: Barry Rutherford, Darren Volz Well played both teams for a great game. Many thanks to officials Chris Nicholls, Darren Volz and Simon Jones.
  3. Saturday 30th November 2019 Newquay 2 (Burt pen 36, Capewell 42) Foxhole 2 (Bould 12, 88) Foxhole (4-3-3): Anton Lake; Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Papaioannou, Angel Coates, Leighton Carhart; Frank McAvoy, Levi Kerrigan, Liam Ames; Benno Bould, Jay Manning, Tyler Cheshire. Newquay (4-5-1): Jay Jarrett; Ben Piper, Dan Ball, John Mitchell, Jon Coleman; Jack Piper, Callum James, Chris Sturgess, Cameron Burt, Ben Casey; Josh Burnell. Subs: Owen Capewell, Robert Fawcett, ? Rooks. Only a well-taken late, late goal from Bould saved Foxes' blushes after a disappointing performance at Mount Wise. Despite kicking into a typically fierce wind, it had all started so well and, after dominating the early possesssion, Bould rose unchallenged to nod home McAvoy's tempting corner. At Goverseth in September an early strike had opened the floodgates but, although they were to enjoy almost total ownership of the ball for the next twenty-odd minutes, today Foxhole were unable to create any clear-cut chances save for a couple of dangerous crosses. Otherwise, I'm afraid, a distinct lack of guile resulted in far too many aimless high balls which merely presented Mitchell and Coleman with heading practice, while keeper Jarrett was not called upon at all, and, perhaps inevitably, the visitors were left to rue their inability to kill off their opponents. Nothing had been seen of Newquay's lone forward Burnell until he was directly involved in two goals from nowhere, first when he was adjudged to have been fouled by an uncertain-looking Coates for Burt to easily beat Lake from the spot, and then to spring the offside trap to square for substitute Capewell to tap home. With a lead to hold onto, the Peppermints defended resolutely throughout the second-half, getting ten men behind the ball at every opportunity and winning a worryingly high percentage of 50-50s as the Foxes continued to flatter to deceive. Nevertheless they really should still have won the game and, having reached the hour before managing another on-target effort, a flurry of golden opportunities then came and went, largely thanks to an inspired (if occasionally unorthodox) display by Jarrett. Cheshire was unable to convert a one-on-one, as was Bould, who then stabbed wide at the far post before seeing a flick tipped over. Burnell squandered a chance to seal the points moments before the equaliser from Bould, who cleverly chested down a deep McAvoy centre before slamming into the net. There was still time for yet another goalmouth scramble but, in truth, it would have been hard on the home team to lose as their resilience and bravery in possession warranted a point against a Foxhole outfit who again suffered from a total lack of alternatives on the bench. Anybody decent out there fancy joining the league leaders? On to St Dominick away in a fortnight. Many thanks to Paul Cackett, Ian Osborne and the various home linos. Tavyside 1 (Lewis) Foxhole reserves 4 (Rowe, Bradley Allen, Hutchings, Lean). Foxhole reserves: Bradley Allen, Daniel Allen, Jake Couch, Paul Hooper, Phil Hutchings, Dylan Jones, Steven Kellow, Matthew Lean, Stewart May, Jacob Mitchell, Jacob Rowe Sub: Chris Allen Tavyside: Sennen Bench, James Coker, Paul Cowling, Luke Cressey, Oliver Gourd, Lee Lewis, Mark Lewis, Kevin Pethick, Luke Shalgosky, Owen Staples, Blair Vanstone Sub: Kade Grylls Many thanks to referee Bryan Holden.
  4. What was the surname of that Pakistani batsman who played test cricket alongside his father? Javed.....?
  5. Saturday 9th November 2019 St Teath 1 (Shearer) Foxhole 6 (Cheshire x3, Bould, McAvoy, Jennings) ECPL league cup. Foxhole: Foxhole (4-3-3): Ben Hurst; Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Angel Coates; Frank McAvoy, Levi Kerrigan, Rory Barnicle; Tyler Cheshire, Benno Bould, Jay Manning. Sub: Dan Jennings. I was unable to make this match unfortunately. Many thanks to Paul Cackett, Simon Bunt and the home lino. St Columb 6 Foxhole reserves 0 Junior Cup. Saturday 16th November 2019 Marjons 2 ( Barbour 31,50) Foxhole 5 (Cheshire 43, 82, Bould 61, 66 pen, og 63) Once again a vastly improved second half performance served to paper over the cracks of a lacklustre opening as the Foxes ultimately ran out comfortable victors over youthful opponents. Eccles had been barely tested before the break other than to beat away an excellent volley from impressive debutant Morgan, although later he was relieved to see Bould’s snapshot roll wide from close range, as the students enjoyed the majority of the possession with some nice triangles on the artificial pitch without looking like scoring until Coates’ poor first touch allowed Barbour to lob Hurst. Cheshire’s equaliser moments before the break, volleying home a loose ball in a crowded box, was only the visitors’ second effort on target, their new look midfield having hitherto been unable to provide sufficient ammunition for the front three which also included the tricky Bishop at outside-right. A switch to 4-4-2, which saw Morgan pushed forward, sparked a vastly increased threat as Foxhole changed ends on the front foot only for more defensive uncertainty to allow Barbour to double his tally. However, the offensive was soon resumed and, after they had twice gone close with Morgan’s acrobatics and a Cheshire drive which found the legs of the advancing Eccles, Foxhole levelled through Bould, ramming home the rebound on the turn once Morgan had struck the base of the post. Within seconds, a defender had turned into his own net a cross by Bishop, who was then tripped for Bould to confidently despatch the penalty. The first half woes had long since been banished as Bould narrowly missed out on another hat-trick, first seeing a header from the splendid McAvoy’s corner cleared from under the bar, before firing just wide at the far post. Cheshire completed the scoring following a mazy dribble with an excellent finish although it could easily have been six but man of the match Morgan couldn’t quite nab a deserved goal, his header also being cleared off the line. Foxhole (4-3-3): Ben Hurst; Ryan Wilkins, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Angel Coates; Rory Barnacle, Jay Manning, Stuart Morgan; Tyler Cheshire, Benno Bould, Keiron Bishop. Subs: Frankie McAvoy, Aydan Rundle. Marjons: Eccles; Josh Bull, Coles, Dawe, Greenley, Hammond, McDonald, Rowe, Smyth, Vanstone, Pritchard. Subs: Barbour, Pope, Thomas. Well played lads. Good luck to Marjons. Many thanks to Martin Sanders, Ian Osborne and the Marjons lino. Foxhole reserves 3 (James, Lean, Dan Allen) Polperro reserves 2 (Cordner x2) Foxhole reserves: Daniel Allen, Nathan Allen, Jake Couch, Richard James, Dylan Jones, Steven Kellow, Adam Kerby, Matthew Lean, Stewart May, Jeremy Pascoe, Dean Robinson. Sub: Dan Tree. Polperro reserves: Alex Butters, Andrew Cordner, Andrew Giles, Aaron Honey, Owen Jackson, Liam Jowitt, James Morris, Josh Pearn, Ethan Powell, Harry Sawyers, Louie Webb. Sub: Red Kennedy. Many thanks to Aidan Hagley.
  6. Well said baldy! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks awards are unnecessary and frankly embarrassing.
  7. Well said Tom. There are dozens of youth matches going on every weekend (boys', girls' and mixed) and the majority of them are like the one you described. Of course, not all of the coaches and parents are in it for the right reasons, but thankfully most of them are. It's all too easy to criticise the youth of today but in my experience nearly all of them are respectful and likeable if you can be bothered to listen to them and to give them a chance. Long after we've all gone, they'll be the ones left to deal with the consequences of the likes of Trump, Brexit and global warming.
  8. Best of luck to Britons Patrick Barrie and Harley Jones, winners of the UK Tiddlywinks Pairs Championship, as they prepare for the World Championships next April. I think all football matches should be cancelled for the duration so we can support them while getting drunk.
  9. Cancelling (!!!) football matches kicking off after dinner (!!!) because some people may get drunk (!!!) after watching a rugby (!!!) match before dinner???
  10. Saturday 19th October 2019 St Cleer 0 Foxhole 3 (McAvoy 46, 89, Deadman 48) Foxhole (4-3-3): Ben Hurst; Josh Andrews, Nathan Papaioannou, Lee Whetter, Angel Coates; Frank McAvoy, Levi Kerrigan, Liam Ames; Tyler Cheshire, Benno Bould, Oliver Deadman. Sub: Jay Manning. St Cleer (4-3-3): Oliver Trevarthen; Jordan Dennis, Connor Buck, Kyle Tamblyn, Aaron Varcoe; Will Gilbert, Ryan Chapman, Jack Ostler; Harry Bartlett, Ethan Gwillam, Will Trevarthen. Subs: Charlie Coates, Zak Peel, Joel Mitchell. Foxhole avenged their opening day defeat with an ultimately comfortable victory although it took a change of ends for them to really get going. St Cleer illustrated their strength in depth by omitting strikers Peel and Coates who had played so well at Goverseth, but the pacy front three of Gwillam, Bartlett and Trevarthen, well served by a midfield finding a worrying amount of space, looked lively early on, albeit without threatening Hurst’s clean sheet. While Cheshire was consistently getting the better of Dennis, and Ames was showing what we miss when he isn’t playing, it was pretty laboured stuff by the visitors on a heavy pitch, although the latter stages of the half did see cracks begin to appear in the hitherto commanding Tamblyn/Varcoe axis. Bould’s close range air shot was followed by Whetter’s header from Ames’ corner which was smothered by the keeper, who then repeated the trick to deny Deadman’s low drive. Realising they needed to improve in the second half, Foxhole promptly raced into a two goal lead within three minutes. McAvoy drilled home from twenty-five yards, a deflection on the way wrong-footing Trevarthen, before Deadman cleverly chipped in after good work from Deadman. The introduction of Peel and Coates in the short interval between the goals caused some consternation among the visiting faithful, but the prolific duo were unable to breach a rearguard competently led by Whetter. The Foxes were unable to find a further way past the impressive Trevarthen until the death when McAvoy, who had earlier struck the bar, bundled home on the turn following a scramble in the box, although they had squandered numerous opportunities to seal the points as the tiring home team’s high line was repeatedly pierced. Hurst was called into action just the once, saving with his legs Peel’s daisy-cutter. Well played the super Foxes. Good luck to St Cleer. Many thanks to Steve Tootle, Jon Colenzo and Ian Osborne. Foxhole reserves 4 (Hawken x2, Jamie Robinson x2) St Breward 2 (Bennett x2) Duchy knock out cup Foxhole: Bradley Allen, Daniel Allen, Jake Couch, Caleb Hawken, Richard James, Steven Kellow, Adam Kerby, Jacob Mitchell, Sam Mitchell, Jeremy Pascoe, Jamie Robinson. Subs: Jowan Dingle, Dylan Jones, Matt Lean, Dean Robinson. St Breward: Seb Bellinger Burden, Adam Bennett, Nathan Elliott, Matt Hamley, Jamie Henderson, Martin Jago, Ben Jarram, Nathan Jasper, Rob Marks, Ashley Morris, Ben Prendiville. Many thanks to Tony Ford.
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