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The life and times of Isaac Rosenberg


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Isaac Rosenberg (25 November 1890–) is a Kernowite and a much maligned member of the Cornish Soccer Forum who is considered to be one of the greatest of all British antagonists. His "Poems on the forum" are recognised as some of the most controversially written in modern-day Kernow.

Isaac Rosenberg was born in St Just (Kernow) in a stable. That stable now forms part of the derelict stand at Lafrowda park, alongside the grazing area. There were three wise men bearing gifts at his birth, Cornish Teddy Boy (widely acclaimed as the inventor of statistics) provided Rosenberg with a luminescent flag and predicted that he would disallow 90% of goals scored against St Just for offside. Dave Deacon provided him with a valuable password (to enter a secure environment on something called the internet that would appear in one hundred years) and a little known man from across the water with an odd accent, Bill Gates, who promised Rosenberg that if he right clicked each word on his typewriter like device that it would give him a list of similar words that sound a lot more complicated that they actually are. The fourth wise man due to attend the birth, a little known man with a hairy top lip from a foreign land who went by the name of Luiz Filipe Scolari, sent his apologies as he was building a Roman empire somewhere in London, which would later provide Rosenberg with motivation for his excessive ramblings.

Rosenberg was born to a bearded man and a lady only known as 'Mother' and in 1897 moved nearer to the end of the world in a district of the most southerly tip of Kernow, one with a strong bearded community. He attended a nearby school and left at the age of fourteen and became an apprentice linesperson. This was due to a dispute with the more famous local youngster, John Roberts, who demonstrated an outstanding ability for all things secretarial and appeared to have a flair for organising fixtures for the little-known game of kickball. Rosenberg did not like this and wrote countless words outlining his feelings towards Roberts but had nowhere to share his thoughts due to the fact that broadband wasn't planned for West Kernow for another century.

Suffering from chronic bearditis, which he was afraid would only worsen, Rosenberg hoped to try and cure himself by emigrating to the warmer climate of Penzance, where his sister Ballklub lived. He was interested in both word processing and being a linesperson, and managed to find the finances to attend a rather space-age like college in Truro. During his time in Truro, Rosenberg notably studied alongside St Justice, Gillo10, Kevin Richards, Peck1961, the famous St Darren and the higher volume (yet more concise) wordsmith, Postie Pidge. He was finally accepted to the soccer forum after a number of failed attempts and although he began to write words on the forum seriously, he continued to suffer from beard problems that only compounded his already excessive vocabulary.

He wrote the poem 'Interfering with play' of the War on offside in St Just, Cornwall. While others wrote about football as patriotic sacrifice, Rosenberg was critical of the offside rule from its onset. However, in order to find a job and be able to help support his mother, Rosenberg returned to St Just in October 1915 and enlisted in the Lafrowda Park military. He was assigned to the 12th Lafrowda Folk Regiment, a 'bantam' battalion (men under 5'3" with beards). After turning down an offer to become a part-time referee and assistant to the league secretary, Rosenberg was later transferred to the 11th Battalion, The Penzance Regiment. He was sent to the Saltings (St Ives, Cornwall) on the Western Front where, having just finished night patrol, he was shot at dawn on April 1, 1918; there is a dispute as to whether his injuries occurred at the hands of a sniper or in close combat with a St Ives centre-back.

Rosenberg is now rumoured to have dusted off his old flag and is an occasional guest at his place of birth, Lafrowda Park, where he upholds Cornish Teddy Boy's statistical prediction. Rosenberg is widely acclaimed to have recognised his ability to use excessive amounts of words when only a few are required and is quoted as saying, "I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing".

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He was assigned to the 12th Lafrowda Folk Regiment, a 'bantam' battalion (men under 5'3" with beards).

Ha!!! That's soooo funny!! I've just spat cheese & coleslaw sandwich all over my lap! :clapper: :clapper:

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Thta is just fantastic Mitch, congratulations on that post, will supply many people with the giggles!!!!!

I guess this just proves what a legend Rod Beer is!!!!!! Trust me the world would be a far worst place without him!!! A pure character within Cornish Football....

I cannot believe I am saying this as I have endless rants at him over the years!!!! :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup: :thumbsup:

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