For your amusement

[Premier Sixes]

It was a good day in the creative dept for match reports here at P6. Here are two of the best from Sunday evenings games.

YouWantOne.com 1 - 3 NIAMOS Regulators

NIAMOS gaffa Wacko Jacko actually attended a game citing his poor absence in the last few weeks because of the windy conditions and his fear of cardboard, therefore exposing himself to the possibility of being hit by a piece of renegade fly away cardboard. Weird. Now he was back he set about ringing the changes to try and sort out NIAMOS's poor start to the season a new look line up took on YWO and claimed the points thanks to a hat-trick from northern hero gravy loving Martyn Probert who told Setanta after the match that he unlike Jackson is not afraid of cardboard. Probert was also quoted as saying "I have a fear of monkeys. I don't trust them. I also have a fear of foam parties. Neither of these have proper terms and I feel as though my fears are not being recognised. This in turn makes me anxious. Anxiety is a form of fear.It's a vicious circle..." Very good. Karl Pearce who only fears dwarves scored an equaliser earlier in the match with a nice finish, before YWO collapsed to their third straight defeat.

NIAMOS's warm up routines in recent weeks have done nothing to help their managers fear of cardboard.

Six Appeal 2 - 2 St Mawgan

Neither team has started the campaign firing on all cylinders so it was anyones guess who would take down this mid table battle. Six took the lead mid way through the first half thanks to a strike from young Ash who calmly slotted beyond the on rushing Truscott who got in the way but not enough to stop it going in. Tony C ock had rolled the years as he was playing upfront for St Mawgan reminiscent to his long stint as the Tavern's lone striker back in the day when he was known as the Le Tissier of P6. C ock fired a missile just over and stated that it was like the old days, at which point team mate Chris 'Shaggy' Williams enquired if Tony hit his missus as hard as that as well. The St Mawgan line up also included a guest appearence from Tom 'Pidgeon Chest' McCormick who was still dressed in his New Year eve fancy dress burglars outfit. Tony C ock scored an absolute screamer to equalise before half-time when he let a long goal kick bounce over his shoulder before unleashing a dipping volley over the top of the Six keeper and into the roof of the net. Such was the beauty of the strike that it has just outdone Ben Lawrence's screamer a couple of weeks ago for Prep H as the new Goal of the season contender #1 for division one. Six regained the lead in the second half thanks to a deft strike from Steve 'the magician' Brown. It looked like being enough to secure the points for Six, but there was one last twist. Tony C ock was having the game of his life and in the last minute stepped up to tonk a free-kick in off the wall and then off the near post to save a point for Mawgan. Man Utd gaffer Alex Ferguson was watching the game from the trees and was overheard telling #2 Mike Phelan 'I like C ock'. Indeed.

Tony C ock hits the ball as hard as he hits women if you listen to Shaggy