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Lets make fun whilst their struggling !!!!!


whuru
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A tourist is in North London one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon.

"Well," replies the man, "the Arsenal ground is very close but they're playing away today. If you feel you really must see a match, the Tottenham ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you'll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue.

You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop.

Geordie the Newcastle fan is walking his dog one day, when he sees an old lamp. He bends down to pick it up, and starts to rub it to clean it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I am the economy-price genie?" I grant but one wish".

Geordie thinks for a while, and then says, "Make my dog Given, win Crufts." The genie looks at Given and says, "Don't be stupid, look at the thing. It's mangy, it's got fleas, it's got a bit missing from one eat it limps and it smells. I might be a genie, but I'm not a miracle worker." "All right then," says Geordie, "Make Newcastle united win the Premier League." The genie stops for a moment, then says, "Let's have another look at that dog again.

Wife: 'Football, football, football! That's all you ever think about! If you said you were going to stay at home one Saturday afternoon to help with the house' work, I think I'd drop dead from the shock!'

Husband: 'it's no good trying to bribe me, dear.'

There are two Bosnians playing for Spurs in an important league match. The ball comes spinning towards them but the captain, who's also well placed to receive the pass, shouts,

"Mine!", and both players hit the ground.

and finally some anagrams:

David Ginola

A livid gonad

Super John McGinlay

Sperm launching joy

Robbie Elliott

Better boil oil

Teddy Sheringham

He'd shag dirty men

Nathan Blake

An ankle bath

Stan Collymore

Measly control

Paul Merson

Lump on arse

Peter Shilton

Enter hot lips

Peter Beardsley

Beery plastered

Maine Road

I Am A Drone

A Dire Moan

No! I Am A Red

Neil Cox

Lexicon

Karlheinz Reidle

He killer red Nazi

Match Of The Day

They of mad chat

George Best

Go get beers

Gudni Bergsson

Undressing bog

Guns on bridges

Fabrizio Ravanelli

Evil Brazilian afro

Gareth Southgate

Treat to huge shag

David Lee

Evil Dead

Dennis Bergkamp

Pink German beds

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Q: What do Toon fans and laxatives have in common?

A: Both irritate the absolute crap out of you.

Q: What's the ideal weight for a Newcastle supporter?

A: 3 pounds...that's including the Urn.

Quasimodo asks Esmeralda, "Am I really the ugliest b**tard in the world?"

"Why don't you go upstairs to the Magic Mirror and ask ?" says Esmeralda.

Quasimodo goes upstairs to the mirror and returns a few minutes later.

As he hobbles in Esmeralda asks "Well, what did the mirror say ?"

To which Quasimodo replies, "Who's Peter Beardsley?"

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Just in case you missed this - Currently on sale in the Spurs shop

SPURS TABLECLOTHS - Suitable for any occasion but tend to slip down the table after a short time - £4:99

SPURS VIDEOS - All the highlights from the last 20 years action. This 10 min video, including lots of re-runs, is a perfect gift for any fan - £9:99

SPURS BANNERS - Come complete with interchangeable slogans Eg: - "GROSS OUT", "SUGAR OUT", "GRAHAM OUT", "LET ME OUT" etc.. £15:00

"OUR LITTLE HERO" KEYRINGS - Come complete with model of Alan Gilzean (Our Hero) attached. - £0.50p each.

SPURS JOKE BOOK - A MUST for all fans. This 900 page book is full of all the best jokes ever told about the club. - £25:00

SPURS CONDOMS - Come in sizes from "Little Hero" to "BIG LES". Ideal for the pricks in the Paxton Road End. - £0:75p for life-times supply. (3)

SPURS BRA - One for the ladies. This bra, in team colours, comes with good support but no cups- £14:99

SPURS 'LADIES' TOWELS - The 'Darren Anderton' sanitary towel, complete with instructions, "In for a week, Out for a month". - £1:00 each

KEEPER'S GLOVE - A must for any fans at the back of the stand, or near the corner flags to catch any shots our lads may have at goal. £8:99

LEAGUE DIRECTORY - An item for the more discerning fan. This quality publication gives detailed directions to every 'Nationwide' League Ground in the country. A snip at just £25:00

SPURS LIPSTICK - Ideal for kissing goodbye. (To the Premier League, as worn by our players) £0:99p each

BARGAIN BASEMENT - Don't miss the annual clearance sale of players. These come in all ages, (many are free of charge, spares or repairs)

A Tottenham supporter walks past a shop window and notices a video for sale entitled "Tottenham the golden years" The supporter asks the shopkeeper "how much for the cassette mate" the shopkeeper replies "£200" "£200 for a cassette?" says the fan?. "You're having a laugh" "Oh no" the shopkeeper replies "The cassette's only a fiver, but the Betamax player will cost you £195".

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Just got back home to Somerset,after going to Cornwall on Friday afternoon,and spending a great

weekend,with wonderful weather.

Managed to see Truro v Chippenham game,Saturday.Had a few beers in Truro Saturday evening.

9 o'clock this morning I was walking my dog across Perranporth beach,the sun was shinning,what a

lovely day I thought.

Had a Cornish pasty for lunch,Then decided to watch the mighty Spurs v Portsmouth.

My 1st mistake of the weekend.What utter shit.

Totally ruined a near perfect weekend.

Im beginning to get a little concerned,to be honest.

What a crap journey home.

Why do Spurs,always ruin bloody good weekends.?

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Guest Helston Patriot

The 2 best teams in North London:

Arsenal and Arsenal reserves.

As proven last season when our shit team HAMMERED the f**k out of you. Clever fella aren't you.

Touchy?!?

To be fair spurs are the strongest team in the league.... They must be anyway to hold everyone else up!!!! Thankyou thankyou :yahoo:

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The 2 best teams in North London:

Arsenal and Arsenal reserves.

As proven last season when our shit team HAMMERED the f**k out of you. Clever fella aren't you.

Touchy?!?

To be fair spurs are the strongest team in the league.... They must be anyway to hold everyone else up!!!! Thankyou thankyou :yahoo:

Predictability is such an unattractive trait :rolleyes: . "Touchy"??. NOT AT ALL, just wish some people would think about things before piping up with twot statements like that one.

HP, where you been buddy, missed you. :c:

Oh and IF you gooner followers really u want a laugh at Spurs expense, why not bask in the knowledge that Derby county registered the worst points total EVER in Premier League history, yet at this stage last season were 2 points better off than Spurs are now. It's alot better to base any piss taking upon actual fact, rather make silly predictable statements.

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NO gillo10 mate, they are just waiting until sunday when they complete the North London double with a 4-0 battering of the once mighty yids :(

you might need to remind some of the younger members when the yids were mighty :P

Midfield.Our team may be shit at the moment.

But you are full of it,as well.

Shout your gob off,when you've won something.

CalvinHobbsCalmDown.jpg

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Midfield.Our team may be shit at the moment.

But you are full of it,as well.

Shout your gob off,when you've won something.

You Spuds are getting so touchy!

Must be the time of the month!

When are you going to win another second-rate trophy again?

More chance of finding Lord Lucan...

Sure any real fan would rather watch their side win any trophy of any rate than win nothing, nowt, zero, diddly squat, no league, no cup and finally..... F**K ALL for the past few years!! But hey at least you get to watch lovely football with occasional end product because as you goooooons keep kidding yourselves thats what really counts isnt it!!!!??

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Sure any real fan would rather watch their side win any trophy of any rate than win nothing, nowt, zero, diddly squat, no league, no cup and finally..... F**K ALL for the past few years!! But hey at least you get to watch lovely football with occasional end product because as you goooooons keep kidding yourselves thats what really counts isnt it!!!!??

I'm sure we've been over this many times before. Spurs win something for the first time in years and then get abusive towards Arsenal supporters. And Gillo10, i'd rather have boring Arsenal back and throphys then pretty football, even though i have to admit it is nice to watch sometimes (not counting Hull :P ).

When Whuru started this thread i think he ment it to be a few jokes and a giggle not a s**ging match.

So heres a couple to make you Spurs fans giggle :smiley20::thumbsup:

What do you say to a tottenham supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?

A: Nice tattoo.

Q) What is the difference between a hedgehog and a busload of tottenham fans?

A) On a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside !!

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of tottenham players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

A man desperate at tottenham current situation decides to top himself.In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very lastmoment, he decides upon wearing his full tottenham kit as his last statement.A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police.On arrival, the police quickly remove the tottenham kit and dress the man instockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why.

The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."

Q: What do you call a tottenham fan with lots of girlfriends?

A: A Shepherd

Q: What's the difference between a tottenham fan and a trampoline?A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

I was talking to the tottenham groundsman and commenting on how green and lush the grass was

He replied, "it should be with all the sh#t that plays on it!!"

Q: How do you kill a tottenham fan when he's drinking?

A: Slam the toilet seat on his head!

Q: Why do tottenham supporters have Moustaches?

A: So they can look like their Mothers.

Q: What do tottenham fans use as birth control?

A: Their personalities.

Q: Whats black and brown and looks good on a tottenham fan?

A: A Rottweiler.

Q: What do you call a tottenham fan with no arms and legs?

A: Trustworthy.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead tottenham fan?

A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. Why do tottenham fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?

A. So they know which end to wipe!

Q: What do you call a tottenham fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi?

A: A burglar

Q: What do you get when you offer a tottenham fan a penny for his thoughts?

A: Change!

Q) Whats the difference between tottenham hotspur and a good w**k?

A) You cant beat a good w**k.

Q) Why did Tottenham go on the stock exchange?

A) To prove that crap can float?

A spurs supporter goes to his doctor to find out whats wrong with him.

'You problem is your fat' the doc tells him.

'Well, Id like a second opinion' replies the Spurs fan.

'OK, you're ugly and you stink as well'

Q) What did the Spurs fan get on his IQ test?

A) Saliva

Q) What do you call a spurs fan in a car?

A) Arrested

Q) What is the difference between a dildo and a Spurs fan?

A) A spurs fan is a real ****

Q) Two spurs fans jump off a cliff- who lands first?

A) Who gives a f**k.

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Club Honours

League Champions (13)

2004, 2002, 1998, 1991, 1989, 1971, 1953, 1948, 1938, 1935, 1934, 1933, 1931.

FA Cup Winners (10)

2005 Beat Manchester Utd 5-4 on penalties (after 0-0 draw)

2003 Beat Southampton 1-0

2002 Beat Chelsea 2-0

1998 Beat Newcastle United 2-0

1993 Beat Sheffield Wednesday 2-1

1979 Beat Manchester United 3-2

1971 Beat Liverpool 2-1

1950 Beat Liverpool 2-0

1936 Beat Sheffield United 1-0

1930 Beat Huddersfield Town 2-0

League Cup Winners (2)

1993 Beat Sheffield Wednesday 2-1

1987 Beat Liverpool 2-1

Charity/Community Shield Winners (11+1 shared)

2004 Beat Manchester United 3-1

2002 Beat Liverpool 1-0

1999 Beat Manchester United 2-1

1998 Beat Manchester United 3-0

1991 Drew with Tottenham Hotspur 0-0 (shared)

1953 Beat Blackpool 3-1

1948 Beat Manchester United 4-3

1938 Beat Preston North End 2-1

1934 Beat Manchester City 4-0

1933 Beat Everton 3-0

1931 Beat West Bromwich Albion 1-0

1930 Beat Sheffield Wednesday 2-1

European Fairs Cup Winners

1970 Beat Anderlecht 4-3 on aggregate

European Cup Winners Cup Winners

1994 Beat Parma 1-0

FA Youth Cup Winners (6)

2001 Beat Blackburn Rovers 6-3 on aggregate

2000 Beat Coventry City 5-1 on aggregate

1994 Beat Millwall 5-3 on aggregate

1988 Beat Doncaster Rovers 6-1 on aggregate

1971 Beat Cardiff City 2-0 on aggregate

1966 Beat Sunderland 5-3 on aggregate

I hadn't got the time to type it all out so I copied it from the website.

Spurs fans - eat your hearts out! :thumbsup::thumbsup: :thumbsup:

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And not forgetting Spurs............

Football League Champions

1950-51, 1960-61

F.A. Cup Winners

1900-01, 1920-21, 1960-61, 1961-62, 1966-67, 1980-81, 1981-82, 1990-91

Football League Cup Winners

1970-71, 1972-73, 1998-99, 2007-08

Football League Division Two Champions

1919-20, 1949-50

F.A. Charity Shield Winners

1920-21, 1951-52, 1961-62, 1962-63, 1967-68 (joint), 1981-82 (joint), 1991-92 (Joint)

European Cup-Winners Cup Winners

1962-63

UEFA Cup Winners

1971-72, 1983-84

Anglo-Italian League Cup-Winners Cup Winners

1971-72

Football League South Champions

1943-44, 1944-45

London League Premier Division Champions

1902-03

Football League South 'C' Division Champions

1939-40

Southern League Champions

1899-1900

Western League Champions

1903-04

Southern District Charity Cup Winners

1901-02, 1904-05 (joint), 1906-07

London Challenge Cup Winners

1910-11, 1928-29

Dewar Shield Winners

1901-02, 1933-34, 1934-35

Norwich Charity Cup Winners

1919-20

Norwich Hospital Charity Cup Winners

1946-47, 1949-50 (joint)

Ipswich Hospital Charity Cup Winners

1951-52 (joint)

Costa Del Sol Tournament Winners

1965,1966

Nolia Cup (Sweden) Winners

1977

Japan Cup Winners

1979

Sun International Challenge Trophy (Swaziland) Winners

1983

Peace Cup (Korea) Winners

2005

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Guest cloak and dagger

midfield/ anita,

I didn't notice anything from 2006/2007/2008?

You was a 1 man team when Henry was there, since he left you won f??k all!!!

Club Honours

League Champions (13)

2004, 2002, 1998, 1991, 1989, 1971, 1953, 1948, 1938, 1935, 1934, 1933, 1931.

FA Cup Winners (10)

2005 Beat Manchester Utd 5-4 on penalties (after 0-0 draw)

2003 Beat Southampton 1-0

2002 Beat Chelsea 2-0

1998 Beat Newcastle United 2-0

1993 Beat Sheffield Wednesday 2-1

1979 Beat Manchester United 3-2

1971 Beat Liverpool 2-1

1950 Beat Liverpool 2-0

1936 Beat Sheffield United 1-0

1930 Beat Huddersfield Town 2-0

League Cup Winners (2)

1993 Beat Sheffield Wednesday 2-1

1987 Beat Liverpool 2-1

Charity/Community Shield Winners (11+1 shared)

2004 Beat Manchester United 3-1

2002 Beat Liverpool 1-0

1999 Beat Manchester United 2-1

1998 Beat Manchester United 3-0

1991 Drew with Tottenham Hotspur 0-0 (shared)

1953 Beat Blackpool 3-1

1948 Beat Manchester United 4-3

1938 Beat Preston North End 2-1

1934 Beat Manchester City 4-0

1933 Beat Everton 3-0

1931 Beat West Bromwich Albion 1-0

1930 Beat Sheffield Wednesday 2-1

European Fairs Cup Winners

1970 Beat Anderlecht 4-3 on aggregate

European Cup Winners Cup Winners

1994 Beat Parma 1-0

FA Youth Cup Winners (6)

2001 Beat Blackburn Rovers 6-3 on aggregate

2000 Beat Coventry City 5-1 on aggregate

1994 Beat Millwall 5-3 on aggregate

1988 Beat Doncaster Rovers 6-1 on aggregate

1971 Beat Cardiff City 2-0 on aggregate

1966 Beat Sunderland 5-3 on aggregate

I hadn't got the time to type it all out so I copied it from the website.

Spurs fans - eat your hearts out! :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

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I personally dont suport Spurs I just like laughing at Gooners who are happy with a young promising side that play lovely football and win nowt!

Midfield, I thought it was only red scum scousers who counted the Charity/Community Shield as a trophy of any real significance clearly I was wrong but if it makes you smile good luck to you!!

Anita some great jokes on there!!

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All very informative and interesting, still, after reading all of the wonderful success that Arsenal FC have enjoyed over the years, they still achieved it all after Spurs did. Oh well, Spurs may well be shit now but we did atleast set the standard for others to follow.

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dont forget arsenal had to invent their own cup , because they had not won anything for a while.

Did they win that this year?. I just don't know....

It really rankles with you Spuds that we are the top dogs in North London and you are simply light years behind!

The measure of a team is the Championship.

No mate, it doesn't rankle us that you're currently top dogs in your adopted home of North London, that's just the way it is at the moment. Just as it was Spurs in the past. Things come and go mate, that is life. We'll be back one day.

"The measure of a team is the championship", So you're admitting you've been just as shit as Spurs for the last few years then?.

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Midfield,you really are prat.You are the very reason you Gooners are despised by the Yids.

Full of arrogance,big headed ness etc. Why? because you are in the Champions League.So what.

That is a must for you,so your massive debts can be paid off.You've never won it.

Then you take the piss because we won a trophy,last season,of no importance[according to you]

While listing your fantastic list of trophy wins.You confirm the Charity Shield has been won 11 times and

shared once.That is really a trophy everyone is after.You idiot.

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Midfield,you really are prat.You are the very reason you Gooners are despised by the Yids.

Full of arrogance,big headed ness etc. Why? because you are in the Champions League.So what.

That is a must for you,so your massive debts can be paid off.You've never won it.

Then you take the piss because we won a trophy,last season,of no importance[according to you]

While listing your fantastic list of trophy wins.You confirm the Charity Shield has been won 11 times and

shared once.That is really a trophy everyone is after.You idiot.

Somersetspur you are frequently the one who comes on this forum and sprouts utter bullshit about how great Spurs are and are consistently knocking Arsenal. I dont have a problem with that, Spurs and Arsenal fans always disagree but dont throw your toys out of the pram because a Arsenal fan is biting back. :SM_carton_y:

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When Whuru started this thread i think he ment it to be a few jokes and a giggle not a s**ging match.

Never a truer word spoken, I ask myself why us Spurs fans and you Arsenal fans can't just have some FUN banter without resorting to the same old, boring, slanging matches (it feels like every topic on this part of the forum at the moment manages to degenerate into one)

Let's bring back the humour people! I was quite enjoying the silly jokes about my club, Bl**dy Hell, I've gotta laugh, otherwise I'll cry at the moment with the way they're playing!!

And not forgetting Spurs............

European Cup-Winners Cup Winners

1962-63

UEFA Cup Winners

1971-72, 1983-84

Thanks for that, I'd forgotten we're England's 3rd most successful team in European Club competitions (behind Liverpool & Man Utd). It's some record as well considering we don't get into Europe very often!!!

Costa Del Sol Tournament Winners

1965,1966

Ah, the Costa Del Sol Tournament...... Good Times!!!!

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Juande ramos dies and goes to heaven. There he is personally met by God who shows him to his new abode. Ramos is shocked to see an old broken down shack with cracked walls, a leaking roof, smashed windows and a faded and tatty Spurs flag draping from the window. In the distance he see a gleaming white mansion, bathed in sunlight, servants all around and wonderful Arsenal flags fluttering from every window. Ramos turns to God and says "How come that when Arsene Wenger dies and goes to heaven he gets this wonderful mansion and I get this tatty shack?" To which God replies "That's not Wenger's mansion, it's mine!"

:lol::lol: :lol:

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Guest cloak and dagger

Midfield,

If Arsenal win trophies only others dream about.......

Then why haven't you won the champions league??

Also like i mentioned before, NOTHING from from2006/2007/2008.

Is the trophies you dream about- the premier league? champions league? F.A. cup??

P.S. I don't support any team! i just don't think your in the right position to knock other teams!

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Midfield,

If Arsenal win trophies only others dream about.......

Then why haven't you won the champions league??

Also like i mentioned before, NOTHING from from2006/2007/2008.

Is the trophies you dream about- the premier league? champions league? F.A. cup??

P.S. I don't support any team! i just don't think your in the right position to knock other teams!

It's not knocking other teams.

It's called having a laugh.

Humour!

Read the thread title! :SM_carton_y:

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You just don't get it do you. You've still won NOTHING in this time and that was the point I was TRYING to get into that head of yours. It was in NO WAY and offensive statement. It was simply the only response to your statement about the measure of a team being the championship.

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As far as I was concerned,I thought this was an open forum.Where people are allowed to express,

views,opinions and feelings.

I will have a bit of banter or debate with anyone,also I dont have a go at all Gooners.

Think Anita,have never been slagged off ,because she dont come on here spouting rubbish.

She said,Arsenal winning boring games 1-0 and winning trophies,was what she would like.

Thats talking sense.Some seem to think success,is playing beautiful football,and qualifying for Champions

League.

If I think someone is a prat,for saying that,have I no right to say so.?Honesty,is what I call it.

Cloak + Dagger and Coopsie,make the points.Winning nothing,and bragging about it.Stupidity.

I will continue to be honest,with my views,if people dont like it.Though.

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As far as I was concerned,I thought this was an open forum.Where people are allowed to express,

views,opinions and feelings.

I will have a bit of banter or debate with anyone,also I dont have a go at all Gooners.

Think Anita,have never been slagged off ,because she dont come on here spouting rubbish.

She said,Arsenal winning boring games 1-0 and winning trophies,was what she would like.

Thats talking sense.Some seem to think success,is playing beautiful football,and qualifying for Champions

League.

If I think someone is a prat,for saying that,have I no right to say so.?Honesty,is what I call it.

Cloak + Dagger and Coopsie,make the points.Winning nothing,and bragging about it.Stupidity.

I will continue to be honest,with my views,if people dont like it.Though.

Yeah, but getting stressed out about trivial things can't be good for your health!!!

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Yep, just settling down myself and I like the look of Ramos's selection..

Gomes, Gunter, Woodgate, King, Bale, Jenas, Zokora, Modric, Lennon, Campbell, Bent..

Good attacking line up. Now I'm off to get a bucket ready to put my head in if we suffer yet more humiliation this afternoon. See you later fella's.

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Now I'm off to get a bucket ready to put my head in if we suffer yet more humiliation this afternoon. See you later fella's.

get a kfc bucket, at least then you'll get some enjoyment out of the game :P:drink: and they fit perfectly on your head (not that i've ever tried :unsure: ):D

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Well,we are through to the group stages of the UEFA Cup.

Had a little bit of luck.Would have took the draw before the match started.

Not a bad result I suppose,when you think Wisla beat Barcelona there a month or so ago.

Like to think that is the start of the season for us.

The performence still looked shakey,and lacked confidence.

But onward we shall go.

Let's see if we can stop Hull doing a North London double on Sunday.

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look i have had a idea why dont all the arsenal and spurs fans stop ripping into each other and lets all rip into the man utd fans . and lets be honest there is a lot of them in cornwall and most of them dont even know where manchester is let alone old trafford. and they didnt realise that the english league exsisted before the premiership. and the only united shirts they have they got from jjb sports . fans i dont think so just sky tv viewers :D

and anita did you referee a veterans game on sunday

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As far as I was concerned,I thought this was an open forum.Where people are allowed to express,

views,opinions and feelings.

I will have a bit of banter or debate with anyone,also I dont have a go at all Gooners.

Think Anita,have never been slagged off ,because she dont come on here spouting rubbish.

She said,Arsenal winning boring games 1-0 and winning trophies,was what she would like.

Thats talking sense.Some seem to think success,is playing beautiful football,and qualifying for Champions

League.

If I think someone is a prat,for saying that,have I no right to say so.?Honesty,is what I call it.

Cloak + Dagger and Coopsie,make the points.Winning nothing,and bragging about it.Stupidity.

I will continue to be honest,with my views,if people dont like it.Though.

So, are you saying that it's ok to express opinions on this forum as long as you approve of them and they don't upset you?

Who are you to say what is rubbish or not?

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