Darin Morse Posted December 30, 2007 Report Share Posted December 30, 2007 Penzance 0 Foxhole 2 Saturday 29th December 2007 It had been an eventful morning. I had received fifteen emails informing me of various ways to enlarge my penis (worryingly, three of them were from my mum). Then my irate girlfriend rang, still complaining that apparently tampons were not a "proper" Christmas present. I really hadn't known what to give her, but I knew I couldn't repeat last year's gift of a giant box of chocolates. Let's face it, she had not long been out of hospital after nearly dying in that bungee accident when she had lied about her weight. Our conversation inevitably became heated, and I immediately regretted mentioning her string of failed relationships. "At least I've not got any skeletons in MY cupboard" I said, somewhat inadvisedly. She was screaming by now. "No!" she shrieked, "only a black latex gimp suit!" I was still wondering how she'd discovered that (I thought I'd hidden it well) as I searched for the video of an edition of Who Do You Think You Are? that I had taped. I thought it would be an interesting programme as it was about Prince Harry, but before I could start watching it, the doorbell rang. My heart sank when I made out the unmistakeable figures of Uncle Peter and Aunt Edith through the window. Their visit followed the usual embarrassing pattern. His firmly held opinions are ludicrously outdated, the chip on his shoulder growing visibly by the day - he's never forgiven the Germans for how they treated him during the war (evidently the Gestapo passed him up for promotion several times). She was her typical timid self, but nevertheless able to noisily break wind each time she got up to "pop to the loo, dear", which was quite often. She did perk up, however, when I hinted at my impending trip to Penzance, and she eagerly told me that she had grown up there. I wondered aloud what it had been like : Uncle Peter said without irony that if I wanted to know what Penzance was like in the thirties, I just had to go there now. By the time I finally got rid of them, I was running late and didn't have time for dinner. I thought I'd get a meal on the way so I pulled into a layby behind a mobile chip van somewhere west of Hayle, before realising that I'd forgotten my wallet in the rush. I explained my predicament to the fryer, who kindly offered to lend me a tenner. I asked him his contact details to enable me to pay him back by post. "My name is David Copperfield Smith", he told me. "Your mum must have really liked Dickens", I remarked. "Not really", he replied, "I was an only child". In heavy and windy conditions, Foxhole deservedly claimed the points against a lacklustre home team. Debutant Rickard should have scored with his first touch after being released by strike partner Griffin, but his control was uncharacteristically poor, and the Foxes continued to threaten to expose the amazingly ponderous home rearguard, albeit without really testing Nicholls. Penzance's sole opening of the first half fell to the gloved Cox, but his close range effort was scrambled from the line by Warne. In truth, very little happened until stoppage time: first Griffin's shot on the turn was beaten away, then Holsey talked his way into the book before a rare flowing move culminated in the keeper again denying the lively Griffin only for Panter to calmly slot home the rebound. Although the Magpies enjoyed most of the midfield possession, the impressive Rowe and Morris in particular ensured Holland was seldom called into action, although he was relieved to watch a Bennett header from a Pugliese corner fly over, and Burt scuff a shot past the upright. Nevertheless, a second Foxhole goal was required to calm the visiting nerves and, shortly after Griffin had flicked narrowly wide, Warne's 25-yard free kick sailed past Nicholls on 72. Bromley almost added a third with a speculative lob before Griffin wasted yet another opportunity from Warne's exquisite cross. Late on, Cox and Reynolds may have snatched a unmerited consolation, but by then the game had become entertainingly feisty. Referee Lugg had already cautioned Dillon for dissent and Liam Devine for fouling Rickard, before Bennett was fortunate to escape red for a crude lunge on Bromley, whose comparatively mild act of retribution seconds later laughably earned him the same punishment. Foxhole (3-5-2): Ryan Holland 7; Colin Morris 7, Mark Rowe 8, Richard Fairclough 6; Jason Warne 7, Martin Giles 6 (sub. Kyle Friendship 5), Steve Panter 6 (sub. Adam Holland 5), Adam Bromley 6, Jeff Dillon 6; Carl Rickard 6 (sub. Liam Nicholls 6), Richard Griffin 7. Penzance (4-4-2): Craig Nicholls; James Greet, Jamie Devine, Darren Holsey, Liam Devine (sub. Dan Stidwell); Stuart Reynolds, Nick Pugliese, Liam Bennett, Steve Burt; Paul Cox, Steve Hancock. Referee: Mr Ben Lugg (Cury) 6. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornishteddyboy Posted December 30, 2007 Report Share Posted December 30, 2007 Another classic Darin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnie bates Posted December 30, 2007 Report Share Posted December 30, 2007 Excellent as usual Darin. Happy New Year to you and all at Foxhole. Glad you never get to watch Roche and make a report i would be very embarrassed to read it if we played like we did yesterday. Happy New Year to all forum readers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sport Lover Posted December 30, 2007 Report Share Posted December 30, 2007 Photos from Penzancve v Foxhole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cornish Football Fan Posted December 30, 2007 Report Share Posted December 30, 2007 Not a good christmas period for the PZ boys then. I saw the PZ squad on a night out 5 or 6 weeks ago was surprised to see the Hawke brothers from Helston out with them, heard a rumour today the younger 1 of the 2 Steven Hawke is on his way to Penzance, any truth in this or is it another rumour?? I believe hes a winger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Mead Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 Certainly news to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hakey Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 Get Jimmy Carr's dvd for christmas Darin by any chance??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dermot Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Nice one Darin,Happy New Year to you and all the gang at Foxhole,keep your reports coming they certainly make me smile,and the tip is to read them early before they get edited. ;0/ :drink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darin Morse Posted January 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 I would like to point out to my more discerning readers that the word "gimp" did not appear on my original posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dermot Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 I am sure it said "Black latex Dildo suit" didnt it Darin ? ;0/ :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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