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A Chelsea supporting family were out shopping and ended up in a sports shop. Little Shaun suddenly puts on a Liverpool shirt and says to his sister 'Look, I'm a Liverpool fan!' His sister slaps him across the face and orders him to show their mum. He wanders over to his mum and says Ma look, 'I'm a Liverpool fan' His mother also slaps him across the face and orders him to show his dad. He finds his dad and say's 'Da', da', I'm a Liverpool fan' His dad looks at him and then he also slaps him across the face. On their way home in the car the family turn to him and say 'Well we hope you've learned something today' To which little Shaun replies 'Yeah, I've only been a Liverpool fan for twenty minutes and I already hate you Chelsea bastards!'

Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:

"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."

So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

gary neville walks into old trafford with a bag in his hand

security say, gary whats in the bag

gary replies a gun

security say thank god i thought you'd brought your boots for a minute

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Anita, that was absolutely hilarious. Did that ref get tips off you?. :P

Man says to his wife "your ass is the size of a 3 burner BBQ". Later in bed, the man says "do you fancy a shag"?. The wife replies "No f###in point lighting a BBQ for half a sausage"...

Elton John is replacing Pavarotti in the 3 tenors. They will now be known as the 2 tenors and a nine bob note..

Little johnny walks into his parents bedroom and sees his dad giving his mum one, his dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and shouts "get out"!. A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's room. He rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his gran. Johnny just looks at him and says "not so f####n funny when it's your mum is it?....

Fat bird in a bar says "if you can guess my weight, you can have s e x with me". The bloke replies "about 93 stone you ugly fat bitch". She say's, "that's close enough you lucky b#####d"...

A scouser is sat in a bar having a few drinks. In walks a g a y guy who eyes him up. After a few beers the g a y finally plucks up the courage to speak to the scouser. "Do you fancy a blow job"? he whispers. The scouser picks up a bar stool and batters the guy to a pulp and kicks him out the door. The barman comes over and says "christ, that was a bit brutal, what did he say to you"?. The scouser looks at him, shrugs his shoulders and says "dunno, something about a job"...

Just been to the gym to try out the new machine they have installed. I could only use it for half hour, then I had to stop because I felt sick. It's good though, It's got kit kats,crisps, mars bars and everything...

A scotsman has been seen walking through Glasgow with a wellington on his *****. Police say there's no cause for alarm, He's obvoiusly just fuckinaboot....

Is this where I get kicked off the forum?

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  • 3 months later...

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