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Emile fxxxxxx Heskey??

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Guest Cornishdave1980

Class of 93, i said it in the other posts but the man really hasn't got a clue and its harder to get out of the england team than it is to get in it.

What surprize next, maybe a new formation known as the twin towers!

Heskey and Crouch upfront, one touch by a foreigner and they both fall down!!!!!

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Guest Cornishdave1980

i do see your point crosser, it just highlights what a severe striker (quality)shortage we have in our country. Out of the top 4 teams in the country only Man U have a top quality english striker!

Maybe the foreign market has finally taken its toll????

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Guest crosser

I've said it before and i will say it again, I don't buy into the foreigner myth, ok there's a few dodgy foreigners in the premier league but the majority of them are as agood or better than some english players.

Unfortunately i think the heskey call up shows up more the weakness of the squad due to injuries more than anything else.

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Guest Cornishdave1980

I have to disagree, england traditional striker has always been a target man(Shearer), however with the introduction of foreigners such as Henry(pure class) more and more teams are looking for a striker that comes and collects the ball and drives on.

England however have always played with a target man in mind, with foreign players and managers who do not adopt tactitc that would benefit the england national team it is now gradually taken its effect when we struggle to beat teams like Albania and Macedonia.

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Guest crosser

ok, who was englands target man before shearer???, as I can't remember any that stand out i'm only 35 by the way, so anything pre 82 dos'nt really count and thats now 25 years ago

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Guest crosser

lineker was'nt really a target man owen shares a lot of linekers traits, and sheringham was more a link man than an out and out centre forward. as far as I can remember nobody has really led the line like shearer did, I think providing he can get back to full fitness ashton will get a place in the england squad but I would say he is more like sheringham rather than shearer.

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I saw this and thought it was quite fitting for here................. enjoy :thumbsup:

QUESTIONNAIRE: Are you Emile Heskey?

Take this test to see whether you are indeed Liverpool and England lump Emile Heskey or infact a half-decent player who actually produces the goods that your position requires...


1. You are through on goal with only the keeper and a defender left to

beat. The last defender is only 5'3" and seven stone. What happens next?

a) You round him easily and take the keeper on one-to-one, then calmly

chip the ball over his head into the empty net.

B) Take the defender on for speed and skin him, then round the keeper

and walk the ball confidently into the goal.

c) The defender accidentally blows on you as he gets within three

yards...and you fall over, flat on your great big fat hairy ar5e. Then

it's both arms up and face pulled in the hope that the referee will give you the most unlikely penalty ever awarded.

2. Would you describe yourself as a prolific goalscorer?

a) Yes.

B) No, but you have scored more than your fair share in your career.

c) Would you f*ck. If you're a prolific goalscorer then Mandy Smith's a beached whale.

3. You are walking down the street one day when a bird sh1ts on you

from overhead. How do you react to this?

a) Smile and see the funny side of it.

B) Wipe it off gingerly and look to the skies in disgust.

c) Fall over on the spot as though you've just been snipered through the head with a hunting rifle. Then roll over and demand that the bird be sent off.

4. How quickly can you run the 100 metres?

a) Very quickly, with a best time of 10.3 seconds.

B) Quite fast, though you can only manage it in just over 11 seconds.

c) "Run"? What the f*ck is that? You mean waddle along like a big fat sack of sh1t on a skateboard....?

5. During a match, a high ball is crossed to you in the penalty area.

How do you head the ball?

a) With extreme power and accuracy.

B) Quite powerfully and with some degree of accuracy, though heading has never been your strongest point.

c) With your ar5e...because you've been upended again by some three-foot dwarf defender from West Brom.

6. A long ball is played up to you from defence. It's a fair distance

ahead of you, so what do you do?

a) Get your head down and set off at full pace, reaching it just before it goes out of play for a goal-kick.

B) Try to make it to the ball, because the cause is never lost. It's always worth making the effort.

c) Nothing. Just stand there like a great big fat soft-ar5ed tw*t.

7. During a match you are involved in a bruising challenge with a

smaller player from the opposition. Which of these is the most likely


a) The player bounces off your huge frame and knocks himself out, has to leave the field and is out through injury for several weeks.

B) The opposing player is slightly shaken, though not badly hurt, and from then on he makes sure he doesn't do it again.

c) You are incongruously bounced fifty feet in the air and land in Row Z, where you suffer a broken face, three dislocated teeth, etc.

8. Your nickname at your former club was "Bruno". Why was this?

a) Because Bruno is such a macho sounding name and goes with your

hulking appearance.

B) Because your aggressive approach reminds you of the old St Bernard

dog off the St Bruno adverts - big, strong, relentless and tough as old


c) Because of the boxer, Frank Bruno, and the fact that he was useless

tw*t who kept falling flat on his ar5e for no reason as well.

9. What has been the biggest effect since your transfer to Liverpool?

a) The higher profile and the greater expectations of the fans.

B) Just the fact that you are playing for one of most famous clubs in


c) Earthquakes in the Merseyside area have increased by 3,000% because

of your great big fat ar5e hitting the deck so many times. Much more of it

and they'll be pulling the stands down due to foundation damage.


Mainly a: You're not Emile Heskey.

Mainly b: Neither are you.

Mainly c: Well done, you are Emile Heskey and you're f*cking crap.

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A few eggs on peoples faces over this one i feel, Lets face it people but say what you like about Emile fxxxxxx Heskey i thought the fella was superb tonight, He fought for every ball and won most of the headers including the one that gave owen his second goal.

I say well done fella you did your country proud :clapper::clapper::clapper::clapper:

In my opinion it is a shame the back four did not have the best of games and im sure against a higher opposition we would have leaked more than a few goals tonight but they got away with it and 3 points is 3 points.

One more plus point from tonights game is who needs fat frank in the middle of the park, Gareth barry and steven Gerrard were quality tonight. :clapper:

Well done England :yahoo:

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Guest Cornishdave1980

Another valid point, should we expect our strikers to score against weeker opposition, i would suggest yes. He did have great games, but there is a fine line between international quality striker and not, and im affraid to say he still isn't. He had several clear oppurtunities to score and didn't take any(owen did) so you have to ask if we had drew or lost that game would we be saying well done heskey or would we be saying that donkey missed a sitter and cost us the match?????????????????????

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Our nation jumps on and off the band wagon as and when we please, Heskey brought the best out of Owen. Owen and Rooney havent produced the goods 2geva for a long time, We need to have the scottish attiude of keep faith and it will come good. :c: ENGLAND :clapper: 6 from 6 good week for Steve and El Tel.

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Heskey or Rooney, Heskey or Rooney??????.

The fact is that neither of them score enough for their country. You could even argue that Heskey is more valuable to the team than Rooney is because 1, He'll still be on the pitch at the end of the game and 2, Atleast with Heskey what you see is what you get. A big strong lad that will give all for the cause and doesn't feel the need to lamp someone if things aren't going his way.

Don't get me wrong because I'm not saying that Rooney is crap. I am saying that a striker's job is to score goals. cockerkneeboy, if you go to work and don't clean any windows you wouldn't get paid would you?.

Rooney's goal tally for his country isn't even ordinary. The only thing I can say is I hope he "does an Owen" and proves me wrong and gets the goals that take us to and then on to win the tournament.

Just keep fat frank off the pitch and we'll have as good a chance as any other team. Oh and find a replacement for Robinson AND James because if these 2 guys are the best we've got, we have a heck of a problem. Lets just hope that Ben Foster recovers sooner, rather than later.

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Guest Cornishdave1980

Once again though McClarens big descisions have been made for him, Heskey will more than likely not be fit so he can put Rooney straight in there.

Fat Frank will end up scoring a goal the game before and justify the dropping of Barry.

I woukld still keep with either Robinson or James, Foster is a long way off and i dont think Carson has the experinence yet for the big games, after them who could replace Robinson or James??????

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Good question cornishdave. This will get a few bad replies but Green would be a solid shout and in the past there's always been talk of "if kirkland can stay fit, he should make the step"..

You're right about McClueless getting his mind made up for him again and I'll also bet you're spot on with your prediction of how things turn out with fat frank. The thing is it wont just be Barry that's dropped because Wright Phillips would also be dropped so that Gerrard can be wasted out on the right because we'll need Hargreaves in the middle to clear up all the mess that fat frank creates with his wasteful passing and shooting.

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Guest Cornishdave1980

I bet you now he will play near enought the same team that played russia against Estonia and then he can justify all the swaps that will happen.

No doubt the Sun will publish another article from Rio saying we must win!!! no shit sherlock,

please come back Carragher :thumbsup:

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cornishdave, Carragher has proven that scousers DO have inteligence by refusing to play under McClaren again and who can blame the fella?. Afterall, if I had Wes Brown and Philip Neville picked in preference to me, I would refuse to play under the manager that made the choice aswell.

Stig, love the picture sir.

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