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Foxhole 2 Mousehole 1

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Foxhole 2 Mousehole 1

Saturday 17th November 2012

This long-awaited victory provided some much needed cheer to your correspondent after a particularly traumatic week. You see, mid-November is a poignant time for the Morse family, it being the anniversary of the deaths of several close family members. Last Tuesday, for instance, marked 15 years since the demise of each of my paternal grandparents. What are the chances of both your gran and grandad dying on exactly the same day? Mind you, they were in the same plane crash. And it was 12 years ago on Wednesday that my bus driver Uncle Stephen passed away. (He'd always introduce himself as Stephen with a 'ph'. I think it was because he was a bit acidic). At least he died peacefully in his sleep, unlike his frantic, yelling and screaming passengers.

Furthermore, on the 15th November 2006 my favourite nephew Billy fell asleep. Unfortunately he was driving a lorry on the A30 at the time. This week also finally saw the inquest of my cousin Archie, who had fallen into a vat of whisky at work and tragically drowned. The coroner reported that he'd have died sooner had he not kept on climbing out to go to the toilet. But life goes on, and I knew I couldn't dwell on such grievous blows as I prepared for the annual visit of Mousehole. I realised I had to occupy my time and yesterday had been particularly busy - I'd made an appointment with my premature ejaculation support group, but I turned up a day early. I then got into a lengthy conversation with my neighbour who has recently had a penis extension. I told him his house now just looks ridiculous. Then last night I had beef stew with dumplings - I shouldn't really call her that but she's a big girl. As is our tradition, we exchanged early Christmas gifts. She gave me a copy of the Kama Sutra, which put me in an awkward position. In return, and as her labrador has recently died, I bought her an identical one but she wasn't remotely grateful.

"What am I going to do with two dead dogs?", she moaned. All this emotional upheaval severely affected my sleep pattern, and when I at last dropped off I soon dreamt somebody was shouting "On your marks, get set, go!"

I woke up with a start. It was nearly midday, meaning I'd need to hurry to get my dinner at a local fast food restaurant before kick off. I was just about to rush out when I heard a knock at the door. A woman with Rudolf Hess eyebrows, Singing Detective complexion and teeth that may well have been pilfered from the body of Uncle Stephen said she was collecting for a new swimming pool. I gave her a bucket of water just to get rid of her before racing out to but my meal.

Not having had breakfast meant I was now starving and I was glad to finally arrive. I was immediately reminded of a newspaper article I had seen about a store in the north-east which had been sued for employing only young, attractive people, and I wondered if this shop had adopted precisely the opposite policy. "Give me two big whoppers", I said in the general direction of the assistants behind the counter.

"I think you're a handsome man and Foxhole will win Peninsula Division One West this season", one of them declared curtly.

It was worth all the week's hassle to see late substitute Aiden Killen bravely heading Sean Hicks' massive clearance past the onrushing Flores with only fifteen seconds remaining to snatch the points from visitors who had seen no fewer than three efforts cleared off the home line. However Foxhole deserved their fortune and may have sealed victory early in the second half had Wearne and Rundle shown greater composure to add to Wilkins' twenty-sixth minute opener, after Bould's overhead kick had been only partially cleared by Robinson. Mousehole's equaliser shortly after the hour mark had been coming, Reynolds slotting home a penalty awarded against Chris Allen for fouling Tonkin, but the excellent Killen, for far too long left kicking his heels on the bench, was to prove the hero.

Booked: Reynolds (foul), Dyer (dissent).

Foxhole (3-5-2): Sean Hicks; Chris Allen, Daniel Allen, Lee Hazeldine; Richard Faircloth, Gary Camps, Steve Wearne, Gary Dyer (sub. Nick Batt), Ryan Wilkins; Ben Bould (sub. Aiden Killen), Aydan Rundle.

Mousehole (4-4-2); Micky Flores; Treve Beckerleg, Jamie Robinson, Peter Coates, Mark Trevail; Perryn Reynolds, Jamie Thomas (sub. Anthony Nicholas), James Tonkin, Lee Robinson (sub. Lee Dalton); Ollie Pridham, Curtis Ladner.

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