Asterix

Thankyou for clearing that up Dave

So silly observation maybe…. I thought dropship had applied for combo? Does this mean they was unfortunately unsuccessful?

Division 3 Tregony 2(0) - (3) 5 New inn titans Saturday, the 22nd of May and a long trip from Illogan to Tregony for the last game of new inn Titans season. With half the squad not knowing where the pitch was only eight of the new inn players turned up at 2:15 assistant manager Leigh Isaacs was running late due to a stop at Pizza Hut for one of the stuffed crust specials. Now after Tregony had beat new inn at Illogan in the previous fixture a month ago 2-1 new inn thought that they owed Tregony a good game. Turning up with just 12 players, Shaun Isaacs nearly had to get kitted up!!! Lucky for Tregony there wasn’t any Spare kit, as the Boscarn answer to Andre Pirlo, would of been Ducking and diving in the midfield worse than Delboy and Rodney at Margate market! The game kicks off, New inn were looking like Razor ruddocks siblings with the extra slim, sports aero dynamic kit! Tregony started the brighter and were on the front foot the first 10 mins or so, but... then New inn started to get the ball down and play a little bit of football down the flanks, creating a few chances, and with some luck and good defending, Tregony managed to keep the ball out of the net. Until a good touch from Arthur “Beale” in the middle of the park for NI, brought the ball down, played a nice 1-2 with Day, on the left flank to then caress the ball into the bottom corner of the Tregony net from 25 yards out, to open the scoring!!! Then young Fred trudgeon who looked like he had just came back from a festival in Bulgaria hit a volley from 20 yards out, underside of the bar and in, a few minutes later. A bit of a scrappy 10 mins followed with bother teams giving away silly fouls, but referee Tim reeks who looked like he had just stepped off an Australian beach and forgot to bring his surfboard, for the afternoon, kept things in order very well. Tregony had a few shots on goal, but Veryan striker Bobby John’s, and his striking partner didn’t really trouble Isaacs in goal, like they did in the previous fixture. Titans grabbed one more goal, just before half time, to make it 3-0, and it made Shaun Issacs team talk a bit more enjoyable, rather than listening to him go on about how he will be making a comeback, cause we’re all useless. #IsaacsOut - screams the dressing room. Second half kicks off, and Titans start relaxed, and a shot / cross from a Titans player is deflected the opposite way catching the GK flat footed and into the net! 4-0 Titans are a little too relaxed when Tregony get some momentum and push forward, and with some pressure on the back 4 a ball lands to the wingers feet, 35 yards out, who chips a ball about 30ft up, and Leigh Isaacs who was telling a Tregony supporter how “what he says goes and if the boys don’t like it, then they know what do” and without realising the balls floated over the 6’8 goalkeepers head. 4-1 Shaun is fuming on the sideline and tells Leigh “Don’t lose this Game like you did the dressing room” - fire it up. Then, Tregony grab a 2nd when Pete ‘Ginge’ Williams was trying to run off a injury, gets caught down the wing, and a scuffed shot, goes past Isaacs. 4-2 Last 15 things get a bit tasty with a few challenges flying in, a little bit of argy bargy when the Vets striker Catterall screams out - “FIRE IT UPPP!” And with 8 mins to go, Catterall and Jones tied for the top goal scorer trophy, Johnny goes through only to Unselfishly square the ball, for Catterall to finish, and gain the top goal scorer honour. Catterall proceeds to run off like Aquerooooo when he scored against QPR to win the title in 2012, Unbelievable Jeff. 5-2 Great game and a real tasty affair, man of the match was Freddie Trudgeon! Well done to Tregony and good luck.

St Ives 0 (0) - (0) 0 New inn Titans New inn Titans arrived at Saltings, with 12 players after 3 pulled out due to seeing a thing called rain blustering around in between, the wind. St Ives I believe needing a point to win the league, would of been confident of battering New inn, after seeing them warm up with Rolly fags and Dad bods exposed in the extremely tight kit, the likes of Arsenal wear for performance helping tactics. Leigh Isaacs was banned from doing the team talk, as just like Mourinho, he had lost the dressing room the previous week, so it was left down to Shaun ‘straight talker’ Isaacs Dave bartlam the official started the game, and New inn pressed St Ives very well from the get go, but like a greyhound chasing that hare on the racetrack, New inn didn’t let Saints get their free flowing football going, with a few chances on the st Ives goal, new inn were lucky not to grab a goal. Saints played some tidy football down the flanks and has a couple of crosses blocked and a shot cleared off the line! Saints kept it fresh bringing fresh legs on every 20 mins, and the Dad bods and Fag wheeling players of New inn did well, to contain the fresh approach with only 1 sub themselves and that was veteran defender Shane Rosevear, running the line, looked like he has put a crop top on, the kit was that small. Hopefully next year the sponsors will buy a couple of shirts bigger than a Small. Half time came, and new inn felt happy with it being 0-0. 2nd half and the whistle is to Bartlams mouth, where saints now had the wind, and a huge sheet of wet stuff flying in the faces of the Titans defenders , saints starting to press for the goal, to celebrate the winning of the league properly, but with Tireless running, by Michael Catterall, Who at 44 was running his little legs off! Fred Trudgeon at 17, and Connor ‘Beale’ Arthur and Joe day matching the midfield of saints, the game was at a stalemate for most of the 2nd half with No real clear cut chances troubling either goalkeeper! Game finished, 0-0 and the Reverse fixture 1-1 The Saints hadn’t managed to beat Titans at all this year. Really well Reffed by Dave Bartlam! And well done to St Ives on the League triumph, fantastic celebrations just like when England won the World Cup In ‘66 Shaun Isaacs was happy with the Titans performance and even went home to celebrate with a few bottles of Bud. Man of the match - Fred Trudgeon

Thanks wasn’t putting it up for sympathy, just thought I’d clarify for G2DO

No bud, I’m the one who writes the reports and my marriage has fallen apart so I’ve not been in the right mind to write any, sorry to disappoint you

New inn titans 2 - 1 Falmouth DC Sunny and Windy, evening at Illogan Park, where new inn titans hosted Fal DC. Down at the reverse fixture at Dracena Fal came away with a 5-2 win, So titans were out for revenge. After a disappointing display vs Wendron on Saturday NI, were eager to get back some pride. Shaun Isaacs have his routine, team talk, like his children had just stamped play Doh in his carpets, so the boys felt like they had some making up to do. Falmouth started the fresher creating a couple of good chances! Leigh Isaacs in goal was the busier of the keepers pulling off a couple good saves! Not much to say about the first half, apart from Illogan park RFC training looked more entertaining! Now half time S.I let rip, as if the boys hadn’t finished their tea he had just slaved over the cooker for a good hour cooking, and that was it! The boys were keen. 2nd half kicked off.... titans got the ball, forward and Veteran cucumber lover Michael Catterall swivelled and literally passed the ball into the side of the net ! 1-0 titans. Straight from kick off again titans pressured and hunted the ball down creating corner after corner after corner, but couldn’t find the back of the net! Tireless running from the ever constant Johnny Jones and Connor Arthur and Ralph Pascoe, created chances and kept Falmouth to the long ball. One such ball, cause a problem for the titans defence who on the hard ground struggled to clear and Fal DC equalised. Titans then with the sideline support, and management bellowing instructions again, piled on pressure and had a couple good saves off the GK, and defenders on the line kept Titans shots out. More corners came flying in, but Shane rosevear and Andrew Symons who has 2 good chances couldn’t convert! 4 mins to go, the DC defence played the ball into, the DC captain P Jeffery, where Pascoe dispossessed him, 25 yards out, and poked a little through ball, to Catterall, who held off the Centre half, to slot the ball into the back of the net, and with a Scream like a little girl who had just lost her favourite teddy Catterall was delighted. Moments later, the ref who was consistent, blew his whistle and I believe Titans held on for a deserved win. Hard luck to Fal DC who has a decent season really. Nice bunch of boys! Nice to see you all.

Trelawny Div 3 (Underlane) Wendron (Mixed) 2 (1) - (2) 3 New inn titans On a blustery afternoon, New inn titans turned up at Wendron Sports centre, looking at the Banana pitch behind the clubhouse, wishing they’d stayed at home after seeing the gale force winds 🤔 Only to be informed by a Wendron Representative that the game would be played on the lovely flat, and perfect Underlane Main surface. The referee, Anita Kicked the game off, with a blow of her whistle, and straight away against the wind, New inn, started to try and get the ball down to play. Wendron started decently and tried to get the ball into the front 2, who you could tell wanted the ball to feet, but New inns two experienced centre halves in Andrew “Mushy” Symons, and Ralph Pascoe, marshalled them well, with the support of their full backs, Titans limited Wendron to a handful of shots at goal. Leigh Isaacs distributed the ball well, and commanded his back four superbly, with Young Whipper Snappers Connor Arthur and Fred Trudgeon, in the middle of midfield, closing down and breaking up play as good as they could against the wind. Titans had the opening, goal, about 15 mins from the break, when Michael Catterall half volleyed a ball into the far corner after some neat footwork from titans left winger. Then moments later after a long ball by Wendron to their left midfielder, who cut a ball back to Jack Noy who from 25 yards out curled a shot into the top corner of Isaacs goal, even whilst being close down by Pascoe for titans. But then just before half time, with a well worked move down the left hand side causing Wendron problems, and Hagi ‘Symons’ the Romanian son, of Mushy, finding the back of the net. Screaming out in his native Romanian language. “That was for you Grandad, Andrew Senior” who wasn’t at the game unfortunately today. Second half kicked off with titans trying to control the tempo with the wind, but against the run of play, a bit of miss concentration and Wendron Equalised and we’re back in the game. Some stern instructions from Shaun Isaacs and a couple of changes and things started to come together for new inn, who straight from kick off scored the 3rd goal, thanks to a diagonal ball by Trudgeon, to Hagi Symons, who skinned his marker and put into the far corner!!! #RomaniaRules Isaacs then brought on some old heads and Titans even scored a fourth thanks to a free kick whipped in the box by Shane Rosevear but the goal was disallowed after the Wendron Lino flagged for offside. Titans kept piling on the pressure but to sadly no avail, and Wendron kept themselves in touching distance of a equaliser thanks to some neat ball retention against the wind, but thanks to the titans defence being superbly marshalled By stand in Centre half, Ralph Pascoe, Titans kept the lead for the win. Superbly officiated, By Anita, and thanks for the hospitality by Wendron. Titans MOM - Ralph Pascoe, as chosen by Gaffer Shaun Isaacs. But some superb performances all over the pitch by New inn.

Div 3 New inn titans 4 (3) - (0) 2 Goonhavern Reserves Game played at Illogan Park The game started edgy by both sides, a little bit kick and rush. After 10 minutes, New inn started to settle down, and play the ball from the back. 3 Experienced boys playing at the back for NI in Mushy, Cliff Harvey and Matt Woodward, controlled and organised well. Which made the midfield of New inn able to control, and dominate the midfield, and play the ball, into the front 2 of Michael Catterall, and Johnny Jones. New inn put pressure on the back four of Goonhavern, who defended well in spells, but conceded a large amount of corners first half. Where Titans had their fortune in converting corners whipped in by Ralph Pascoe. Jareth barrington, also had a good first half, and feels hard done by not to have scored more. Johnny Jones and Catterall were running the defence ragged, and Jones grabbing a couple goals, through sheer hard work! Half time came, and Shaun Isaacs talked his boys through what he wanted 2nd half. Ref blew the whistle, and after a miraculous save coming from the Goonhavern keeper finger tipping one around the top corner of the goal, after a strike by Fred T, from 30 yards out. leigh Isaacs then, tipped a goal ward effort around his left hand post after a good strike by the Goonhavern player. A Titans player then swore in frustration, and the referee showed a straight red card. Titans were down to 10 men, and with a quick shuffle, information, Titans left hand winger, Jordan tiddy struck a shot, from 25 yard out and it curled into the top corner! Absolute clinker!!! Shaun Isaacs then made a few changes with 20 to go, causing Goonhavern to get a foothold in the game with 2 goals, a couple minutes apart. Last 10 minutes, Titans rode out the pressure and took the game 4-2, very good game all round, Well reffed too. Good luck to Goonhavern for the rest of the season. UP THE TITANS

Results Tuesday 13th

Cracking Poem Rodney!!! Shane richards told me to say hello

To be fair was always going to be hard to police, with it being a open public park, people walking their dogs, 2 different sports happening. Pretty hard to enforce to much, when wasn’t using the changing rooms, and it being a public footpath between, the village. Entertaining game

Well played. Look forward to the return

Nice to see you “walking the dog” 👀 Dave. Ring rust definitely New inn titans 1 - 2 Tregony Very rusty and unfit football to get the lockdown season restarted. First half, Tregony had, more possession in the first half, and Created and Converted 1 clear chance, when Myself slipped on the ball gifting the centre forward the route in on goal! Second half, a Couple of changes by Titans and a lot more pressure was put on the Tregony back 4. A good bit of build up play and a great flick and turn over the defenders head and a good finish by Johnny Jones! Game on, but suddenly a quick chat between Jones and Referee, sees the Striker sin binned for informing the referee of something that was said to the official. Strange decision. Long ball from Tregony Left back, to the right winger behind the left back of titans sees a ball played across the box, and striker puts the ball in the net 2-1. Unfortunately Titans couldn’t get the equaliser despite putting pressure on. Good luck to Tregony.

Has someone listened to the Podcast 🙄🤔