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Showing content with the highest reputation on 25/03/20 in all areas

  1. 5 points
    baldy

    Daily Laugh

    A duck walks into a bar and jumps up onto a stool. The bartender walks over and the duck says 'Toasted sandwich and a pint of beer thanks '. The bartender stares at him for a while and says 'You're a duck '. The duck replies 'Yeah, nothing wrong with your eyesight '. The bartender says 'But you can talk, you're a talking duck!' 'Nothing wrong with your ears either ' replies the duck, 'You see that new housing development across the road?, I'll be working over there for a few weeks. Every day, I will be coming over here for a toasted sandwich and a beer for lunch. Do you have a problem with that? If so I'll go elsewhere.' The bartender replied 'no no all good.' And got the duck his toasted sandwich and beer. The next day at lunch time, the duck waddles in, sits at the bar and orders his toasted sandwich and beer. The bartender is shaking his head in disbelief. Every day for the next week the duck comes over for his lunch and the bartender still can't believe it. One day the circus comes to town and the ringmaster comes into the pub , the bartender sees him and tells him about the talking duck that comes in every day for lunch. The ringmaster is keen to have him in his circus. At lunch time the duck waddles in and orders his toasted sandwich and beer. The bartender tells the duck how the circus is in town and the ringmaster said he has a job for him. 'Circus?' The duck asks, They're those things that travel all around the place aren't they?' 'Yes, thats right' the bartender replies. 'And these circuses, they use large tents, don't they?' The duck asks. 'Correct ' says the bartender. 'These tents are made of canvas aren't they? The duck says, looking puzzled. 'That's right' says the bartender. 'Then what the **** would they want with a plasterer?
  2. 4 points
    Ieuan Gregory

    Interesting

    perhaps the dinosaur has landed with a little help have managed to take a couple of photos hopefully can get them on here.
  3. 4 points
    I would think most players have written this season off and will enjoy the break. Ask them to play again in a month or two's time the majority won't even bother to turn up. Clubs won't be able to raise teams...I believe it's all over bar the shouting now!
  4. 3 points
    TheolderIgetthebetterIwas

    Daily Laugh

    They asked the Man U keeper what he thought of all the thousands of screaming, shouting arseholes behind him every game, he replied..."not half as bad as the 22 in front of me!"
  5. 2 points
    mattelot

    Daily Laugh

    We once had a dog .we called him Blacksmith because he was always making a bolt for the door ! 😁
  6. 2 points
    Goldeneye

    Daily Laugh

    Jethro was stopped by the Traffic Police and asked to go around to the back of his car. Your side lights are not working said the Policeman. Jethro gave them a kick and they came on. Very good said the Policeman, but your brake lights are not working. Once again Jethro gave them a kick and they came on. Very good said the Policeman, now let's see if you can go around to the front of the car and kick up a tax disc!!
  7. 2 points
    Way Of The Park

    Will the Season Finish

    Doubt very much that anybody will be going away on holiday this year.
  8. 2 points
    Adlestrop

    Daily Laugh

    A man and woman were engaged in a vitriolic argument: Woman: "If I were your wife,I'd put poison in your tea" Man : "If I were your husband,I'd drink it !"
  9. 2 points
    Pitty

    How to end the season 2019-20?

    Come on Dave keep up 😂😂 this is the 21st century a club secretary no longer needs a binder filled to capacity with forms all you need is a computer and the following info from the player Date of birth, E- Mail address, Postcode, shoe size, last holiday destination, star sign, shoe size, very simple 😉 then on completion trying to register him on the system when you discover he’s registered at 4 different clubs in 4 different leagues Requiring NOA!!!!
  10. 2 points
    Paul

    Will the Season Finish

    I think the season should be played out and finished. Any club with nothing to play for shouldnt get a vote. To easy for most clubs to just give up because theyve no chance of winning anything and havnt for months. The season should be finished when ever possible and then start the new season. If that means loosing the odd cup competition so be it.
  11. 2 points
    Goldeneye

    Daily Laugh

    In Liverpool Police saw a docks worker kicking a tortoise. When asked why he was doing it he replied 'because it's been following me around all day'.
  12. 2 points
    Billy Davies

    Daily Laugh

    My half Spanish nephew is just about to start school and can't even say please. That is poor for four!!
  13. 2 points
    Adlestrop

    Daily Laugh

    Did you know that the Duke of Edinburgh's chamber pot is placed on top of his wardrobe? It is because he is the highest Peer in the Country.
  14. 1 point
    Billy Davies

    Daily Laugh

    Aladin has been banned from The Magic Carpet Grand Prix, he has been found to have used performance enhancing rugs. Stay safe and keep smiling.
  15. 1 point
    TheolderIgetthebetterIwas

    Interesting

    Three facilities Mark, include your own in that comment. It will have to go cold for a few days and nights to stop the spring flush now, my record of morning temperatures is steadily climbing from 0⁰/2⁰ up to 6⁰ most days now. Grass will grow a bit at these temperatures, and positively fly at 10⁰+ The ground temperature is hovering around 8⁰ most days as well.
  16. 1 point
    Bruegel the Elder

    Interesting

    I think that “Interesting” should have its own sub-forum! Also a shout to D.D. & Rappo: Get these guys onto your Podcast. There’s precious little to talk about on the footballing front, let’s have some sage entertainment.
  17. 1 point
    mattelot

    Daily Laugh

    When I was little I found a toy dog with no legs in a jumble sale .I called him woodbine cos I had to take him for a drag .😁
  18. 1 point
    Mark

    Interesting

    Well done Leuan, no stopping you now, we will see pictures all the time. I didn't get any message from you last week, hence I haven't replied. By all means text me if easier 07875596798. Hope you are enjoying your new equipment as much as I do. Rappo - here here two great facilities and both grounds and their groundsman give so much inspiration to me. If anyone out there is thinking of getting involved at their club, don't hold back. Nothing better when pitches are stripped and looking good and sometimes just sometimes the players really do appreciate it.😁 Things do seem to be warming up bet getting cold again by the weekend....
  19. 1 point
    Ieuan Gregory

    Interesting

    now that people have seen what can be achieved with no unauthorised use of the pitch perhaps they will begin to understand why we shout and holler at them!
  20. 1 point
    RAPPO

    Interesting

    Well done gents, great work 👏🏼 Lucky lads to be playing on those pitches...whenever they do!? 🤔👍 Don’t know if anyone from the SWPL looks on here but both these clubs have applied to go up next season!! Have a look at those pitches and facilities!!!.........Just saying 😀👊🏼
  21. 1 point
    Have every conceivable piece of equipment website is Pitch Care Guru
  22. 1 point
    I’m a Club Chairman, step 6 and 7 and also a pitch renovation contractor so here goes. In the first instance can I/we expect players a club volunteers to return until the Government permit and or the medical profession say it’s safe to do so the answer is no. There is an opportunity to start pitch renovation early if the season is not to to completed before July/August which under normal circumstances would be when the 20/21 season would start. So end it now let’s get our pitch’s sorted and let the League and FA Officials provide a clear direction on where we go. They should be better informed by say the end of April/mid May.
  23. 1 point
    Themanhimself

    Daily Laugh

    2 lads were arrested today. 1 for eating batteries the other for eating fireworks 1 was charged the other was let off
  24. 1 point
    Adlestrop

    Daily Laugh

    Mary : "how come you have exotic holidays each year ?" Liz : "because my husband works for Cunard ! Mary :"well my husband works fu**ing hard as well:but we can't afford them"
  25. 1 point
    Goldeneye

    Daily Laugh

    As they lived in identical houses Dave asked Bob how many rolls of wallpaper he bought to do his lounge. 5 said Bob. After he did his lounge Dave told Bob that he had 2 rolls left over. Yes, so did I said Bob!
  26. 1 point
    B Manning

    Daily Laugh

    Two aliens talking one commented I do not know what caused the demise of the human race but, they have the cleanest arses I have ever seen.
  27. 1 point
    Paul Collings

    Daily Laugh

    have you sold that Hoover yet Martin ? you know its only collecting dust.
  28. 1 point
    Pitty

    How to end the season 2019-20?

    For the Trelawny league Complete the 19/20 fixtures in Aug / Sep / Oct and cups if achievable utilising the light evenings with 31 Oct as the designated cut off point. Hold the AGM in the first week of November. Reduce the size of the leagues if possible or scrap the cup competitions for 20/21. Commence the 20/21 season in mid Nov till end of May. Pitch availability due to Cricket (if they get their season going) May be a factor up until mid Sept for some sides so some ‘creative’ loss of home advantage may be required............To be honest the way the weather was going lots of clubs were switching just to get a game played. Freeze player registrations for 19/20 until end of October
  29. 1 point
    TheolderIgetthebetterIwas

    Pre Season Friendlies

    Haha...lol
  30. 1 point
    Martin McHugh

    Daily Laugh

    Velcro,,,,,,,, what a rip off .
  31. 1 point
    Yeah! he always was a bit of a turnip.
  32. 1 point
    Ieuan Gregory

    Interesting

    IAW the gospel according to St Older brushed cut and slit the pitch today never seen so much grass at the end of March must have 90-95% coverage.Soil was ideal for slitting no scaring what a difference a week makes. Have to say Mark and Dave your pitches are looking excellent, did pm you a couple of weeks ago Mark don't know if you received it. Now seems likely that the FA have decided to end the season, so posts down tomorrow and end of season renovations start here, hopefully not a lot to do! Keep safe ground keeping guys I keep everybody away when I'm down there!
  33. 1 point
    TheolderIgetthebetterIwas

    Will the Season Finish

    Only a Chinese whisper...lol
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